The Wise Buddha-hahahaha

BERKSHIRE'S COMING BACK WITH A VENGEANCE IN MEL'S HOLE! It all happens near sleepy old St. Louis, Missouri.

Dear Pals,

Will St. Louis' PSI-adventurer and his intrepid cadre;
Madman McKay, Sting The Assasin, The Stamminator
and his right hand man, Dave Summers, SLMPD (ret)
carry the day or will the American heartland near sleepy
old St. Louis become a smouldering nuclear cauldron?

CAUTION: Please take the time now to have a stress test
for your heart, because you're going to need a
release from your Doctor before you can ride with
Ron "The Rocket" Markland or T. J. Berkshire into
the bowels of Hell near Ste. Genevieve, Missouri.

TO GET UP TO SPEED ORDER:

DOUBLE WHAMMY -

the first two books in The Berkshire Chronicles

quantum crime thriller series that's based in St. Louis.

Amazon.com and Kindle Books

has DOUBLE WHAMMY now!

ISBN 978-1453824825

WARNING: DOUBLE WHAMMY will scare your pants off!

And On! And off again!

THE NUMBER ONE TUNE IN MOORE, OKLAHOMA IS "YOUR DOIN' FINE OKALHOMA! OKALHOMA OK!"

SOONERS NEVER WAIT!

When the wind comes whipping down the plains and blows away kith and kin and hearths and homes before the last shingle hits the ground, Oklahomans have saddled up and immediately ridden to the aid of their fellow Oklahomans.

If you woke up warm and dry with a roof over your head, THANK GOD!

Then please step up and write a check to THE AMERICAN RED CROSS and earmark it for the brave folks in Moore, Oklahoma. The romantic in me likes to think that the spirit of another Moore, Clayton Moore,The Lone Ranger is leading the way on Silver!

Hi Yo!

Please give generously to help these brave folks who have had their lives literally blown away.

And please do it today, not someday.

Give all you can to The American Red Cross and maybe dig a little deeper Buckeroo and add an extra buck 'er two.

Thanks!

 

"Who Wrote The Book Of Love?" Look It's Right Here In Black And White!

OMG! It's Pussy Boy!

OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO UNVEIL NEW THEME SONG TO PUT AMERICA IN THE RIGHT MOOD TO ACCEPT IRS ENFORCEMENT OF OBAMACARE!

 

 

Dear Pals,

 

Undaunted by recent revelations about IRS targeting of Conservative

Groups seeking tax-exempt status, President Obama forges relentlessly

forward and wants everbody "singing off the same page" at these

distracting and politically-motvated deep probes!"

 

 

Rumor from a highly placed source not of this world
says, "The White House has reached out to retro-rocker
Peter Gabriel and asked him to allow the embattled Great One
to use his song,

"I don't remember..."

Jay Carney reportedly did not infer,suggest, say or even think

they might use it even if, "The song captures the soul, beat

and tone of the times!"

Liberal pundits appearing on Charlie Rose emphasized that,

"The President needs to get out in front of these distractions

created by the incarnately evil Republicans."

OBSERVATION: If the President needs to "get out in front of things,"
the Peter Gabriel song "Sledgehammer" or the classic Ray Charles
"Night Train to Georgia," might be much better choices.

A source with absolutely no relationship to Mr. Gabriel suggested that
the President might want to "Shock the Monkey."

That idea offended my Chimp who said, "Maybe he should Spank the Monkey
up on Capitol Hill, since using Salsbury Hill could necessitate having

Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden blow Gabriel's horn at midnight in Benghazi."

Sometmes my Chimp astonishes even me with his ability
to connect the dots!

 

Not Exactly A Hallmark Card - Mother's Day Memories From "The Moron."

A BLAST FROM MOTHER'S DAY PAST: FIRST PUBLISHED MAY 8, 2011

 

Rosemary Memories

My most vivid memories of my Mother, Rosemary,

are not of her baking cookies or even

of her at Holiday times with fine food,

family and festivities with friends.

 

My most vivid memories are of what

I call, "critical course correction" moments.

Those times when she not-so gently

delivered a message of displeasure

at my misbehavior and shenanighans.

 

I can recall the flicks of a weeping willow switch.

I can recall the butt smack of an old paddle ball paddle.

I can recall a "head knuckling" and an "ear pull."

I can recall her gentle voice askng, "What were

you thinking?" Or, "Wait until your Father gets home."

 

I can recall her sitting up with me all night

as we memorized chemical equations for

my final exam. I needed an "A" on the exam to earn a course grade "D."

She made it happen, with all the tenderness of

a USMC Drill Instructor at Paris Island.

 

I can recall her "briefings" before major

family events. Her detailed instructions were

specific, pointed and often punctuated with

"Or else." I once asked, "Or else what?"

A brief corporal demonstration instantly followed.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. I was not an abused child.

I was just a "boundary tester" - the kind of child who

was always pushing the envelope, although I would

have described myself as an experimental life enthusiast.

 

Mom understood that there were "book learners"

like my cousin Patty Perfect, and sisters, Mary Beth and Ann Marie.

And then there was "The Moron" for whom, book learning

was never quite enough...I needed the physical experience.

If I asked. "Is the stove really hot?"

She'd encourage me to touch it.

If I asked, "Will Mike bite ( her overly-trained uber-wonder dog)

if I grab his bone?" She'd say, "Why don't you grab it and find out."

 

My Mom loved me and fed me and hugged me a lot.

She baked cookies. Shook her head over the "U" and "L"

marks the nuns gave me for just being me.

My Mom taught me how to ride a bike in the alley.

My Mom put methiolate on every wound from a skinned knee to a fractured skull,

My Mom rubbed Vicks Vapor-Rub on to my chest.

My Mom spooned out Milk of Magnesia.

My Mom even rubbed Rueben's Solvens Balm onto

my broken arm after my back-riding and screaming-in-terror baby sister Ann Marie 

covered my eyes and caused me to crash my speeding sled into a concrete sewer. 

 

My Mom wiped my tears away at other times and tenderly told me to,

"Stop being a cry-baby!" and to "Punch Eddie Kelly in the nose, like this."

I can still see her knotting up her little Irish fist and

showing me how to deal with him and his bully pal Eddie Houchen.

 

My Mother told me, "Your name may be Birkenmeier.

But you're my son and that makes you a Collins.

Don't forget that." She always said, "When the

road gets rough, 'Bring out your Irish.' "

 

My Mother dressed me like a little gentleman.

Two-toned shoes, snappy suspenders and a

nice part in my hair. She hoped for a gentleman.

I came close...and turned out to be a well-dressed houlighan.

 

There are a million "Rosemary stories."

My cousins can recount them.

Loring can recount them.

My sisters Mary Beth and Ann Marie have

their versions too.

 

But all the Rosemary stories end the

same way -- with lots of laughter, glee and delight.

Rosemary Ann Birkenmeier (nee) Collins

gave it all she had and loved large.

Very,very, very large.

 

When the love of her life, Lawrence J. Birkenmeier

died at age 43, she said, "I had 20-years with a good man

and I could have had a lifetime with a louse."

 

She prayed her rosary everyday.

She never missed Mass on Sunday

or Holy Days. She always went to

City Hall and cooked corned beef

and cabbage on St. Patrick's Day.

 

I'm sure she's a Saint in heaven today.

Raising her children earned her that spot.

 

"Has anybody here seen Kelly?

Kelly from the Emerald Isle?

Her hair is red and her eyes are blue

You can tell she's Irish through and through.

Has anybody here seen Kelly?

Kelly from the Emerald Isle?"

  

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!

Miss you every day.

 

__________________________________

 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

TO ALL THE MOTHERS I'VE

BEEN PRIVILEGED TO KNOW!

 

__________________________________

 

PS: How come there is no Wife's Day?

I'm wondering if there should be because

not every Wife is a Mother. And vicey versa.

 As Rosemary used to say, "Don't worry about it...It'll all come out in the wash."

 

 Love,

The Moron

THE SAD BUT TRUE STORY OF MR. POTATOHEAD'S SEEDY GIRLFRIEND "COOKY CUCUMBER."

THE SAD BUT TRUE STORY OF MR. POTATOHEAD'S SEEDY GIRLFRIEND "COOKY CUCUMBER."



I have this very rare toy from The Hassenfeld Brothers ( later Hasbro) in the original box with all the parts and the 1-2-3 Instruction sheet.

Mr. Potatohead was the first toy ever ADVERTISED on TV. He made it BIG. And for a time every kid in
America ( including me) had a Mr. Potatohead growing green mold under his bed.

"Cooky Cucumber," the Spud's "main squeeze" was always kind of a seedy babe and she was dropped from the line very quickly and quietly after she was arrested in Atlantic City on a morals charge for playing "Slap and Tickle! Hide the Pickle!" with an underage kid known in South Jersey as "Jerkin' The Gherkin."

As it turned out it was a dark day when playing Hooky to get some Nooky from Cooky got both of them in a real Sweet PICKLE! The Hassenfeld Brothers paid a lot of do-re-mi to keep it out of the newspapers.

The Hassenfeld boys wanted all the eyes on Mr. Potatohead.

And, as things turned out, all the eyes were on him.

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH COOKY?

As they say in New Joisey,

"Make me an offa. Ana don assualt my 'tellingence 'cause I nose my A-B-D's."

 

ST. LOUIS SUN NEWSPAPER 2O YEAR PARTY ALERT! Who Will Return To The Scene Of The Crime Where "He Bit Hers. So She Sued His!"??? OOOPS!! It's Actually The 24th. Anniversary! DOH!

BIG FAT CORRECTION: Yesterday I found the white T-shirt above. Today I found the red T-shirt above. It was actually 1989 when the St. Louis SUN started not 1993.

I had a brain fart. I started my company in 1993.

When I make a mistake it's a BIG ONE. Do I have egg on my face? YEP! Scrambled egg...just like my brain. Let's put a positive face on this and say that 2013 will be the 4th Anniversary of the 20th Anniversary of SUN RISE!

Hallelujah!

 

Dear St. Louis SUN Lovers,

I was cleaning out my home's lower level after the GREAT FLOOD, of April 18, 2013 and found a box of St. Louis SUN stuff. Including T-Shirts even one from The SUN-Sawed in Half Band.

How can we hit 20-years without getting together at the scene of the crime where,

"He Bit Hers. So She Sued His!"

I'm suggesting that Keith Klamer set up a St. Louis Sun Set Group page on facebook and that we launch a search for our still living cadre. As the St. Louis Post-Dispatch always says, the "late" ST. LOUIS SUN launched in September 1989, so we could still put a "Run To The St. Louis Sun" together for this coming September.

Think of that visual!! I can see it! Here goes Mermelstein leading the V-formation as all of us newpaper moths fly fearlessly into The Sun and burst in to flames one more time!

Can you imagine the size of the "Horrrigan Fireball?" Talk about scorched Earth!

Are you up for it? I feel the need to reach out and bite some one! (That'll throw the fear of Birk into Lynne Snierson! Heheheh...)

Do the math: if 6 touch 5 = 30 - if 30 touch 5 = 180 - if 180 touch 5 = 900 - Which is 760 more people than ever worked there! We can book rooms downtown PRETTY CHEAP and return to the Laclede's Landing bar where "He bit hers" for a dramatic tableau reenactment of that beautiful buttock bistro bite.

I'm going to invite Jerry Berger too...because he would have a ton of fun in his Berger's Beat blog doing a bit or a "print bite" on "Where are the Sun Sinders Now?"

We "Sun Setters" are members of a very exclusive club, because we launched the LAST METRO DAILY NEWSPAPER IN AMERICA. That will never happen again.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch doesn't even publish on Saturday. And any 95-year old wino under the Eads Bridge has better daily circulation.

The St. Louis SUN did flame in out with the collapse of the Long Island economy which triggered the loan reset provisions on Ingersoll Publication's junk bonds. The SUN gave the Post-Dispatch a run for its money and the competitiion was good for St. Louis.

All I can say is "What a ride!"
Would not have missed it for all the hops on Pestalozzi!

 

 

NIGHTMARE SCENARIO: ISRAEL ATTACKS IRAN TO PREVENT SECOND HOLOCAUST!

 

FIRST PUBLISHED ON MAY 31, 2012 - THE DREAM RETURNED AFTER THE BOSTON BOMBING - IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD. LET'S HOPE THAT SANITY RETURNS SOON!

Dear Blog Buddies:

This recurring lucid dream came to me as though I was riding along inside the attack planes as the events described below unfolded. I hope it's just a Nightmare Scenario and the product of a novelist's active imagination.

BACKGROUND:
1. The only Israeli soldier killed in the Entebbe Raid was the brother of Benjamin Netanyahu.
2. If Israel were to scramble IDF (Israel Defense Forces) squadrons, jihadist spies within Israel would alert Teheran hours ahead.
3. IDF squadrons flying across Syria and Iraq toward Iranian targets would enable Iranian defenses to inflict heavy casualties on incoming IDF forces.  
4. Israel wants to inflict permanently disabling damage on all Iranian nuclear enrichment and key military command and control sites
5. Israel wants to minimize Iranian and Israeli casualties, so complete surprise is a penultimate strategic consideration. The Entebbe Raid becomes the model - but totally from the air this time with no land insertions.
6. Israel also wants to preempt a counter strike from Syria, Egypt, Hezbollah in Lebanon and Hamas in the Gaza strip.
7. Israel wants to minimize the inevitable regional and international public condemnation for the pre-emptive strike to prevent a second Holocaust.
8. Many of the Iranian facilities are already conveniently underground in thinly populated and remote isolated areas.
9. These Iranian nuclear enrichment facilities don't have to be destroyed - just rendered inert and permanently unusable for 1000 years
10. Israel needs to Strike Swiftly in a totally surprising and decisive manner.

OPERATION ESTHER: The step-by-step execution of the scenario.
1. Israel has several specially modified 747s in a secret location near David Ben Gurion airport.
2. One with Singapore Airlines markings and one with United Arab Emirates markings. Others with markings that will be perceived as "friendlies" by Iranians.
3. In the belly of each are 12 Tomahawk-like laser-guided missiles equipped with tactical nuclear warheads. 24 to 48 in all
4. Each plane also has anti-missle missiles and secret air-to-air defenses on board along with long range fuel tanks with air-to-air refueling capabilities.
5. Mossad agents in Indonesia, India and other normal flight origination sites are already in place to delay the regularly scheduled flights coming into Teheran's Khomeni airport.
6. The faux 747s are flying launch platforms with highly-trained IDF crews on board. Multi-lingual IDF personnel will fool Iranian air traffic controllers and confuse Quds forces and Iranian Revolutionary Guard units with misinformation and conflicting coded orders. 
7. The faux 747s take off and head initially west from Israel and then head south at high altitude across Saudi Arabia and Yemen and out over the ocean.
8. Then they turn north toward Iran on the same normal flight paths as the now 30-40 minutes delayed real flights.
9. Once over Iran, they divert to lower altitude flight paths and launch their missiles toward the Iranian nuclear enrichment and key military sites.
10. The laser guided Tomahawk-like missiles carry the tactical nuclear bombs directly into the entrances and ventilation shafts of the underground facilities.
11. The bombs explode collapsing the access and egress points and permanently contaminating the area and equipment with radiation.
12. Minimum personnel casualties are inflicted on Iranians.
13. Once the attacks are underway, the real incoming flights are warned by the IDF and they divert to safe airports in other countries.
14. Once the missles are launched, the Israeli faux 747s climb to high altitudes and dead head for Israel by heading west over Iraq
15. The IDF from home bases now scramble fighter wings to hit the following targets: A. Hezbollah targets in Lebanon, B. Hamas targets in Gaza. Others fly out to provide defensive air cover and refueling to the returning faux 747s
16. Israel uses "The Iron Dome" and some IDF squadrons held in reserve to defense against any incoming missiles and to hit any targets that may become actively hostile in unstable Syria or wobbley Egypt.
17. The US is informed of the raid just as the initial missiles were being launched and all US military assets worldwide are put on full alert to defense against any retaliatory actions from Iran or North Korea.
18. Israel preemptively deals simultaneous crippling blows to its enemies and the entire nation is at full combat readiness to deal with the inevitable Palestinian riots and internal terrorist attacks.
19. Russia and China and the Arab world loudly condemn Israel. President Obama and European world leaders call for calm.
20. Iranian dissidents in Teheran use the internal chaos to uptick the undermining of the current Iranian regime.
21. Pro-Iranian sleeper cells in UK, France, Italy, Spain and the USA launch retaliatory terrorist attacks against civilian targets.

Chaos ensues for many months. President Obama uses the events to declare martial law and delay the 2012 elections. This leads to a Constitutional crisis that threatens the very existence of the United States. Western Europe is also in chaos as economies topple like dominos. Muslim populations in Europe openly battle armies and police in the streets of nearly every nation.

China cooly sits it out to emerge as the new global super power. Russia makes a lot of noise, but does little as it braces for unrest along its 3000 mile border with "The Stans." India also braces for trouble from Pakistan and from Muslim populations in the Punjab.

Well, there you have it. I've been praying that it is just a really bad dream that never comes true.

Light a candle!

PS: My current novel DOUBLE WHAMMY reads like tomorrow's headlines and is now available on Amazon.com and Kindle.

DOUBLE WHAMMY by T. J. Birkenmeier ISBN 978-1453824825

Rain On The Brain. Reflections On The Boston Marathon Bombing Of Yesterday, April 15, 2013.

Rain.

4:10 am It washes away the filth of the earth. It makes all things clean and fresh.

Rain:

4:11 am It's lighter now on the shake shingles. A lull between surges or is it past?

Rain:

4:12 am Thunder's rolling now. Mom used to say, "The Angels are bowling,"

Rain:
4:13 am
It's not coming down in torrents, just steady.
The wind is rustling a bit nudging the gumballs.

Rain:
4:14 am
I think we're like raindrops. We arrive alone.
We pool. We flow in rivelets in our lives.

Rain:
4:15 am
First from small pools to rivlets to creeks
and streams and rivers and to seas.

Rain:
4:17 am
I missed 4:16 am with that last thought.
Was it really there? Or do we only see time when we look?

Rain:
4:18 am
If quality of mercy is not strained and falls like the gentle rain from heaven.
Can healing compassion and love fall in a downpour from the heart of man?

I'm holding all good thoughts and prayers
for every suffering soul in pain this day.
Especially those who inflict pain.
Oh God, what pain are they in?

Rain:
4:21 am
Let God's good grace rain down on them
and wash away the pain in their minds and hearts.

Like · · Share · Promote · 6 minutes ago near Saint Louis ·

 

Snow Always Puts Me In The Mood To Write Crime Thrillers And To Rekindle Romance! And There's No Better Place To Fan An Old Flame, Or Create A New Ember To Remember Than Rustle Hill Winery!

CALLING ALL HOPELESS ROMANTICS!

O the weather outside is frightful
Inside it's so delightful
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
HEY! HERE'S A GREAT IDEA!!


Living rooms like this in cozy luxury cabinS awaits you! See that chair?

I broke it in for you. It's a great place to write my crime novels or watch

some the the 27 million TV channels! (Am I exaggeratng? You count 'em!)

SNOW DAY WEATHER FORECAST:

The roads will be clear!

So head to Rustle Hill and hop into a cozy
romantic cabin and warm up your tootsies

and your tootsie wootsie by one of these!

The snow covered hills and woods
at Rustle Hill are stunningly beautiful.
You and your Dear can watch the deer
frolicking in the vineyards by the lake.

Make some hot chocolate or Irish Coffee in the Chef Quality kitchen!

 
The kitchen features cuisine-quailty pots and pans, dishes and

cutlery. Rustle Hill can even stock the refrigerator with ANYTHING you like!

Plus there's a breakfast nook and a dining room too! Woo Hoo!

Take a long relaxing bubble bath in the spa tub. Ahhhhhhh....

There's a place for a Champagne bucket to cool the bubbly by the tubly.

WEEKEND ONE STARTS TOMORROW!
M-T-W is Weekend One
F-S-S is Weekend Two
Thursday is Transition Thursday!
Tack it on to Weekend One or Weekend Two!
Rustle Hill invented the TWO WEEKENDS IN ONE WEEK week!

Come on down and Rekindle Romance!
Fan an old flame!
Create a new ember to remenber!
Let the sparks fly during the 28-days of Valentine's Month!

www.rustlehillwinery.com

Oh...did I mention that there are big screen TVs in the bedrooms

too. Don't feel guilty if you watch them from quilty-cozy King Size beds?

Toss your old kit bag on the comfy King and snuggle right on in.

Or throw on your snowsuits and go outside and make some snow angels

and some great photo memories!

If you've got no particular place to go...

Go to Rustle Hill Winery for Weekend One: M-T-W!

it's an easy drive over great snow-plowed roads all the way

to The Undiscovered Country!

Let it snow!

Let it snow!

PS: There is a Valentine's surprise waiting in every cabin!

The luxury Cabins accomodate from 1 to 3 couples.

Take the photo tour under Romantic Cabins at www.rustlehillwinery.com

Tell 'em Birk sentcha! Thanks for letting me warm my hands by your fire!

Scrabble anyone? Here have some wine my darling. OMG! Look what you spelled! Really? Okeedokie!