Dear Pals,
Some folks didn't like The Birk Plan that I initially floated out to 100 of my Pals at random for their consideration. I was shocked, when I actually got some negative feedback from folks out on the Internet who had the message forwarded to them.
So, like Congress, I have rolled up my sleeves, burned the Midnight Oil and gone back to the drawing board.
Introducing in all it's glory (Imagine Trumpet Fanfare now) The NEW and IMPROVED Birk Economic Recovery Plan. It is based on a simple nomenclature manipulation and very fundamental multiplication and division. Any 5-year old will understand it.
I predict that most Americans will also be overwhelmingly in favor of it even though it has 4 more steps than the time-honored "Washington 2-Step." (Step 1:Take The Money Step 2: Put it in your freezer)
Here's How The NEW and IMPROVED Birk Plan Works:
Step One: We rename the dime.
Step Two: We now call the dime the dollar.
Step Three: Now everyone has 10 times as much money. (Do the math...I did)
Step Four: Everyone will have 6-working days to pay off their debts, invest in the stock market or buy all that really cool stuff you always wanted but could never afford.
Go ahead, take that dream vacation to Nebraska, buy that double-wide you've been craving or fill out the voids in your Beany Baby collection. Or, even do something completely frivolous with your windfall. How about Liposuction or new John Deere with yeller wheels?
Step Five: On the 7th day at the stroke of midnight, we rename the dollar the dime.
Step Six: At sunrise we start all over. It's kind of like Financial Cinderella...we all get to go to the Ball...but at the stroke of midnight the coach goes back to being a pumpkin and the dollar goes back to being the dime. We go back to our day job. And Congress goes back to business as usual.
As I have said before, "Sure this is a crazy idea that will "never work" but can you imagine the coast-to- coast block party? (Please Note: This is a clue, wink-wink)
I'll be anxious to see what the NEW and IMPROVED "Bailout/Rescue/Buy-in/American Taxpayer Future Dividend" Plan that Congress comes up with will look like.
I'll bet Congress won't come up with anything nearly as exciting as my NEW and IMPROVED Birk Plan.
In all fairness though, maybe we should hold off on seriously considering The NEW and IMPROVED Birk Plan until we see what the legislative sausage-makers on Capitol Hill grind out.
Let's let them run their NEW and IMPROVED plan up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes it this time.
I have no insider information, but I'm willing to speculate that since this is an election year, Congress' NEW and IMPROVED plan will be a real doozie and it will be festooned with all kinds vote-getting tax benefits and other sparkly goodies that are all calculated to distract all of us simple folks out here on Main Street in "fly-over" country from the $700 Billion pile of doo-doo in the room that we'll have the priviledge of owning.
In other words, to paraphrase the popular political parlance of the day, "They'll have to put a lot of lipstick on this porker to get us to smooch it."
It'll probably work too.
Why? Because so many folks can be excited and emotionally attracted by the promise of effortless personal financial gain. My "little experiment" conclusively proved that point, at least to me.
So, I'll bet a six-inch Subway Sandwich that Congress is gonna toss the big green Money-For-You frisbee over our collective heads. The question is will we all turn our attention from the $700 Billion mess and take their bait and go chase it like an eager Labrador?
Or will we maintain our focus and send all of our legislative folks in Washington a new message on election day 2008? Now that's an interesting question.
Weigh in on all this, please feel free to give me your fearless feedback!
Of course, like the first Birk Plan, please feel free to pass this along to all your Pals for a shared laugh or a tear. (Another clue - wink-wink)
Birk
Commonsensetarian and Citizen Of The Republic
