A very challenging TEST was forwarded to me the other day by my old Pal the Harley-ridin' Madman McKay.
The TEST consisted of a photo of a line up of spectacularly gorgeous women with magnificent long legs. The photo was from an educational treatise by male-female relationship expert, Professor G. Hugo Fersnutz II, entitled, Remembrances of Thongs Past, which, I believe, appeared in a recent issue of The AJOYBOY (The American Journal Of Youthful Boys Of Yore)****
Dr. Fersnutz's inspiring and insightful article dealt with the deeply interesting and intellectually stimulating subject of "thongs," or as I call them "strings."
I have a theory about them...perhaps you have even heard of "String Theory." Michio Kaku Ph.D. has also written extensively on this topic in his new book, Physics Of The Impossible. I highly recommend it.
But, I digress...
In the TEST photo, the models heads were "cropped off" to hide their hair color, the singular test question was:
Which one do you think is the Blonde?
I very carefully studied the long leggy line and then took the very challenging test . Following the instructions, as I always do, I scrolled down to see the full photo and to get the correct answer.
Going from left to right, I thought it could be Lady Number 4 or 5.
Lady Number 4 was the only one wearing a different style of high heel with a heel strap. Perhaps the Blonde had brought the wrong pair of shoes?
But that seemed too "obvious," so I selected lovely lady Number 5. I thought her dark lustrous skin was designed to throw off this unexpecting TESTEE and thereby make it a "trick question."
The TEST answer was: The Blonde is the one with the WRONG leg up.
Low and behold, the blonde (Lady Number 3) was the only one in the line up of these gorgeous women who had a different leg up. Lady Number 3, the Blonde, had her right leg up!
Indeed, all of these other stunning creatures had their left leg up.
And, in what can only be described as a highly guided-interpretive photo viewing, the TEST originator then concluded that the lone blonde was WRONG, because she did NOT have her left leg up when all the others did have their left leg up.
Using that paradigm and viewing perspective, I "failed" the test.
Hold the phone Amigos y Amigas!
I have always been interested in "String Theory" and since a thong is really a macro-micro "string" I decided that the picture merited longer and much more thoughtful observational study.
Several hours later...and after a long and thoughtful analysis and much much deeper study, I concluded that the answer is incorrect and the TEST is flawed in both its construct and conclusion.
Let me make my case:
I have some very attractive (one might even say, "hot" ) blonde female pals who are also very intelligent. They are the antithesis of the blondes in blonde jokes.
When I looked at the photo as my Blonde gal pals (Amy, Casey, Celeste, Debbie, Lynn, Linda, Kimberly, Karen, Joy, Judi, Kay, Marylin, Marcie, Michelle, Sheila A., Sheila B., Susan and the fabulous GMcL, et al ) might view it; I got an entirely different perspective... and an entirely different answer!!
It was as clear as the nose on my face, but I had missed the fact that the Blonde is the only one with her RIGHT leg up. So, how can her RIGHT leg be the WRONG leg? The dark-haired ladies all had their LEFT legs up.
At first, I found my mind spinning in a world of confusion akin to the classic Abbott and Costello "Who's on First" routine. The right leg is always the right leg. And the left leg is always the left leg. Unless the left leg is the right leg. In which case the right, left leg that was left would be right and the right leg could not be left. Or lifted up, if it was not right. Unless it was really left, right?
My logic was, as usual, irrefutable and flawless.
But, if you are confused, consider this political analogy in your search for further clarity and illumination.
If it wasn't a leg at all...but was a wing instead, then using a political metaphor, the right wing is always the most conservative and on the right side of issues and the left wing is always the most liberal and wrong.
Ergo, I have concluded, based on this deeper thongful analysis that:
1) Blondes do have more fun
2) Blondes always have the right leg up
3) "Hot" Blondes, like my 'keep on truckin' pal GMcL, do defy
the Law of Gravity and most blondes do indeed, belie the stereotype of the "dumb blonde"
4) The Blonde's right leg is always the right leg (for reasons too long to enumerate here)
5) Among all the stunning creatures in the photo, the Blonde's leg is clearly the up right one
And, being upright cannot be wrong, unless of course you have two-left feet that are connected to two left legs - and even if both were gorgeous left legs, one of the two left legs would be right and that would simply be wrong.
Ergo, two wrong lefts cannot make a right. Left is left and right is always right. Everyone knows that, right? And, of course, everyone also knows what the late Mickey Spillane wrote about blondes, right?
I hope my daunting triune display of Jesuitical-Talmudic-Augustinian logic has not left you in a lurch!
I forwarded my insightful scientific observations on to the TEST originator and thanked her for sharing this thought-provoking and very stimulating test with me.
What did we learn here today dear Pals? (No, we did not learn that Birk has way too much time on his hands!)
BIRK IRREFUTABLE IMPERICAL FINDING 237-98.09: The TEST conclusively proved that there are different and valid perspectives on any issue and that you need to be very careful before agreeing too quickly with any conclusions that are offered up by others. Especially any and all Politicians!
And, sometimes, even when you are told that the correct answer is "The Blonde is the only one with the WRONG leg up" that can be incorrect because a right leg by definition is always the RIGHT leg. And maybe the Blonde is the only right one and the others are wrong...I've seen that happen many times!
A right leg cannot be a left leg and a left leg can therefore, never be right...or can it?
And, if a quiz is quizzical is a test...oops, don't go there!
Now I have confuddled and befused myself!!
I also encouraged the TEST originator, as I do you, to get a daily dose of insightful thinking by visiting www.orcastl.com and entering the Birk Blog by slapping my face with a wet mouse first thing every dawn.
Please turn your Pals on to it as well, so their lives can also be made better and happier.
Thongfully yours (with no strings attached),
Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic
PS: As the great Yogi Berra says, "You can observe a lot just by watching."
As all my wonderful Blonde gal pals say, "Let's have a Cosmo!"
And as mi mucha especial amiga GMcL always says, "nynuck-nynuck-nynuck! That's all folks...there ain't no Moe...just Curly!"
PS 2: It just occurred to me that my life is NOW in immediate peril for writing this, since I am married to a very (how shall I say it?) feisty and well-armed brunette. I'll be sleeping with one eye open in a parking garage in downtown St. Louis if this falls into her hands.
So ixnay on the ondeblay ongthay ingthay.
PS 3: My pal, the soon-to-be-neutered, "Jaspare The Sicilian," also sent me an email saying that he understood the TEST photo and it's many implications because and I quote him, "I'm married to a blonde."
His ill-advised email is worth at least a case of his wife's fabulous bootleg limoncello. Unless he comes up with a much better price on a special steele project he's working on for me.
FINAL NOTE: (Thank you for your endurance!) ****I don't want to seem boastful, but I was The AJOYBOY centerfold in July 2007. It was a six-page foldout and a one page foldup! Hahahaha!