Dear Pals,
Everyone has some cash flow issues these days...but, some folks out there really are chisling deadbeats.
I have had a just a few incidents over the years when people, who originally came to us hat in hand and needed help in a hurry - then decided to ignore our bill after the work had been done, delivered and our subcontractors paid.
Now, I'm a very patient guy, some say, waaaaaaaaay too patient. Maybe that's because, I know and personally have been appreciative of the value of financial forebearance when honest people are caught in a jam.
But after sending many invoice statements and many messages fail to get any response at all, there are 10 Highly Effective Questions that every chisling deadbeat needs to be asked.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM:
1. How long is your right leg at this time?
2. Is your major medical insurance premium paid?
3. Is extensive dental work and oral surgery covered?
4. Which do you think hurts worst...a power drill or a nail gun?
5. Do you enjoy river swimming?
6. Do you really think dropping and rolling will put out napalm?
7. Do you enjoy holding your breath?
8. When you turn your car on, do you ever wonder what will happen when you put it in reverse or drive?
9. Do you know where to get a Handicapped Parking permit?
10. Did you ever see the Bass-O-Matic skit on Saturday Night Live? Have you heard of Hand-O-Matic?
Collecting money after the work has been delivered and used, is a very hard thing to do.
Thankfully I have many friends in interesting professions, who actually enjoy making a personal visit and having ONE friendly little private, mano y mano chat with a deadbeat.
It's in that little private visit when my emmissary of financial illumination asks Question 11 and 12.
11. Do you mind if I wait here in your office and clean my Glock while you write the check?
12. Or, would you like me to pick it up at your home at a more convenient time, like 2:00 am?
When these simple questions are asked with a smile by my pal Joe, who looks like a very muscular and mean Andre The Giant, remarkable things happen quickly.
Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic
PS: The late great Al Capone said it best, "You can get a lot further with a kind word and a gun...than with a kind word alone."
