The Wise Buddha-hahahaha

VOTER IDs For Minorities: Here's An Easy Way To Issue Them!

Dear Pals,

WHY NOT SOLVE THE PHOTO (VOTER) ID ISSUE by taking photos

when Food Stamps and/or Food Stamp Cards are made -

they can do it at Sam's Club in 5 minutes...

why not at Uncle Sam's Club??

 

Albert Pujols - A Fan's Plan To Keep Albert Pujols In St. Louis As A Baseball Cardinal Forever!

 

Looks like it's time to sing, "So long it's been good to know you!" Albert Pujols just signed a deal for $250 million. Thanks for a million great memories and the Miracle Season of 2011! May God continue to bless you and your family. Via con Dios!

 

HELLO HAPPY PEOPLE!

THE BIRK KEEP PUJOLS PLAN: I sent this a few days ago to my pals in the news media in St. Louis and to a few dear buddies, who know a thing or three about The Cardinal Nation. Here it is for the enjoyment of the Blogosphere.

 

Create a

Lifetime Legacy For A Living Legend.

 

Hit a Triple to Wave Him On To HOME!!

 

1) 5-years playing contract $15 million per year

 

2) 1% Owner Equity per year for each of 5-years to earn in a total 5% Team Ownership - a building value over time.

 

3) 1% of all concession revenue divided equally (1/4% each) between Pujols Foundation, Childrens, Cardinal Glennon and Shriner's Hospitals for Children for duration of Cardinal franchise in St. Louis

 

Every chip, dip and sip benefits his and our "Hometown Heart Causes."

 

Option to retire from playing in 5-years to become The Cardinal's CRO - Chief Recruiting Officer - a lifetime magnet for future talent.

 

Tag all three bases - Money, Heart and Soul - Albert will be HOME SAFE in the hearts of Cardinal Fans forever and a day.

 

Other local and national endorsements will only sweeten the deal.

 

Stay here like Stan The Man did.

 

____________________

 

I believe that Albert really is a FREE agent. A free man who is able to look deep into himself and far beyond the clamoring and urging of outside influences for him to set a new compensation cap for every player who "suits up" in MLB.

 

He is Albert Pujols...there is no cap that he can set for others, for God has set it for him. And, in his heart of hearts. he knows that there is a far greater wealth beyond the wealth of the earth and the fame and fortune of MLB.

 

If it's all about SHOW ME THE MONEY...I have epically misjudged the character of his great corazon.

Which Version Of The Lord's Prayer Do You Like Best? And Is Insane Sane And Outside Insane? Huh?

Dear Pals,

VOTE FOR ONLY ONE:

DO YOU LIKE THIS ONE: VERSION A

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

OR THIS ONE? VERSION B.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done On earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
As we forgive others.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.

Amen.

OR THIS ONE: VERSION C

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and power, and the glory, forever and ever.

Amen.

OR THIS MODERN ONE: VERSION D

Our Father in heaven,
   Reveal who you are.
   Set the world right;
   Do what's best— as above, so below.
   Keep us alive with three square meals.
   Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
   Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
   You're in charge!
   You can do anything you want!
   You're ablaze in beauty!
    Yes. Yes. Yes.

OR THIS CHILD'S ONE: VERSION E

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your Kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom,
the power and the glory are yours.

Now and forever. Amen

OR THE ONE I HAD TO LEARN: VERSION F.

PATER noster, qui es in cœlis;
sanctificatur nomen tuum:
Adveniat regnum tuum;
fiat voluntas tua,

sicut in cœlo, et in terra.
Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie:
Et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris:
et ne nos inducas in tentationem:
sed libera nos a malo.

OR THE ONE ARAB CHRISTIANS SAY: VERSION G

أَبَانَا الذِي فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ،
لِيُقَدَّسَ اسْمُكَ.
لِيَأْتِ مَلَكُوتُكَ،
لِتَكُنْ مَشِيئَتُكَ فِي الأَرْضِ كَمَا السَّمَاءِ.
ارْزُقْنَا خُبْزَنَا كَفَافَ يَوْمِنَا،
وَ اعْفُ عَنْ خَطَايَانَا،
فَإِنَّنَا نَعْفُو عَمَّنْ يُخْطِئُونَ بِحَقِّنَا.
لاَ تُعَرِّضْنَا لِلغِوَايَةِ،
بَلْ نَجِّنَا مِنَ الشِّرِيرِ.
فَلَكَ المَلَكُوتُ وَ الجَبَرُوتُ وَ المَجْدُ أَبَداً.

OR THE ARAMAIC VERSION:VERSION I

Abwoon d'bashmaya
Netqaddash shmak
Teete malkutah
Nehvwey tzevyannach aykanna d'bashmaya aph b'arha
Havlan lahma d'sunqananan yaomana
Washbwoqlan haubvayn aykana daph hnan shbvoqan l'hayyabayn

Wela tahlan le'ynesyuna. Ela patzan min bisha
Metul dilakhe malkuta wahayla wateshbuhta l'ahlam almin
Amen

 

OR THE BIRK ONE: VERSION J
Good morning Lord and blessed be your name.
It's Birk reporting in for daily duty.

Thanks for another opportunity                                                                                                         to be a friend to everyone who crosses my path today.

Let me be like Christ. Obeying your will.
Honoring and accepting your wisdom.
Give me food to enjoy and plenty to share.
Please hit the Birk Sin Reset Button (BSRB) to ZERO and give 
this Prodigal Son - the blackest of your white sheep -one more shot?
Please don't let me be tempted by the fabulous female form -  which is my Achilles LEG!
I have a beautiful Loring.

Please keep evil people away from America, my state, my city, my family and friends.
Let all those Happy People in "The Lion Of The Valley" prosper in peace under the power, protection and the glory that are yours alone.

Onward for God, Country, St. Louis and St. George!

____________________________

Okay which version did you prefer?

How many picked the "forgive the debts" English or Latin version?

You just read and said The Lord's Prayer at least, 5 maybe 6 times.

When was the last time you did that?

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic

PS: Now what are you gonna do? Don't forget in New Jersey it is: forgive and faggidaboutit! Let it go.

The Jews of old Isreal had a tradition about every 75 years when things got financially FUBAR - so they had THE YEAR OF JUBILEE!

All debts - public and private -- were forgiven. And a party was held. A JUBILEE!

Could we use an American JUBILEE!

A worldwide JUBILEE!

How would a  JUBILEE impact your family? Friends? Business? Our Nation? Our World.

I know what you're thinking...Birk, that's as insane as telling the Government you don't want any Social Security money and to write off the amount owed to you according to government calculations.

Hold the phone! I am a self-confessed FOOL and I'm willing to be seen as insane (or sane inside) - because if what's going on in the outside world is sane...well, "then it's time sing, "So long it's been good to know you but I got to be drifting along!"

TO SEE MANY OTHER VERSIONS OF THE LORD'S PRAYER GO TO: 

http://www.lords-prayer-words.com/lord_traditional_king_james.html

NOW...let's try The Lord's Prayer one more time!

 

The Sequel Blog: The Saga Continues As The 12 Monkeys Wrestle With The Rapidly Swelling $15 Trillion Deficit Turd. Will They Save America By Thanksgiving??

Dear Pals,

Here's the date of  the pre-quel blog entitled: CAUTION THIS BLOG CONTAINS A BAD WORD:

September 28, 2008!!

Please GOOGLE IT.

I try to be helpful.

Now, here's the peek inside the closed doors where the 12 Monkeys have been very, very, very, very busy. WOW! That's four verys!

 

______________________

 

Shhh...let's listen in.

 

_____________________

Monkey One: "PheeeYOU! This is one stinky $15-trillion pile of shit of an effen mess we made."

Money Two: "Don't say, 'SHIT'...call it a turd."

Monkey Three: "Nah...turd is no good. Call it a defecation."

Monkey Four: "Too close to deficit - we don't want people to think of that."

Monkey Five: "How about feces? A fetid Federal fiscal feces. Alliterative, but one step away from effen the American people."

Monkey Six: "I'll give you feces, Shithead! Why not blame it all on the Chinese and call it poo! As in Hu Flung Poo?"

Monkey Seven: "Poo! Very cute...why not make it poo-poo-doo-doo, you moron!"

Monkey Eight: "Wait a minute...didn't we have pu-pu platters here in Hawaii? That's it! EuREEKa! We can get the American people to eat this $15 trillion turd that we all created if we call it a "pu-pu platter'."

Monkey Nine: "I think that might work! Let's float a semantic trial balloon. Pump some bipartisan compromise hot air into that turd."

Monkey Ten: "Shit floats! Hell every plumber knows that. But will this turd fly high like a diamond in the sky."

Monkey Eleven: "Speaking of plumbers reminds me of Watergate, so be careful! Focus on preventing the the brain drain at Sallie Mae and Freddie Mac? Better give the lads there a silence is golden Brain Drano Bonus. We don't want any leaks coming out of there do we?"

Monkey Twelve: "Before we roll out this Deficit Reduction plan we'd better have a special Congressional exemption do-nut hole or Rabbit hole that we can jump through or down to cover our own assets. And just to be safe, let's sugar-coat the turd! Spray on some we-care-about-you Fedbreeze!

"Sprinkle on some eye-candy entitlement glitter, imbed some nutty victimization ideas, dust it with the powdered brown sugar of racial exploitation and top it off with FREE pile of you can't make it without us Dummie Bears. We've fooled 'em time and time before and we can fool 'em again."

_____________________

That's NOT how the Congressional Super Committee works. It's just a joke. Or is it? Come to think of it...Congress is a joke and so is The Super Committee who have our heroic and embattled President fighting on valiantly in the - OOOPS...Australia.

____________________

Are the YELLOW bears the DumboRATS?

Are the BOLD bears the RepubliCONS?

What's the difference? 

_____________________

My sainted Irish Mother once said, "All politicians are crooks. Trust me I know."

That's why I became a Commonsensetarian.

_____________________

I still like 999 Herman Cain. I'm the Nein! Nein! Nein! (No! No! No! ) guy from 'Scrubby Dutch South     St. Louis!" All my 1106 blogs are posted. Please take time to read them all. It's a wild ride...let me know what YOU THINK.

______________________

HERE'S MY IP PLAN TO HELP AMERICA - NOW IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD MEN AND WOMEN TO COME TO THE AID OF THEIR COUNTRY. 
 
Please check out the last few days posts on The Birk Blog.
 
1) How many Americans will join me as I surrender and re-purpose the funds in
my Individual Social Security account??
 
This Social Security RePurposing Initiative
is 100% Birk Intellectual Property...
in all modesty, it's sheer genius!
 
2) Which NEW PC-Cereal did you like??
 
3) Is Now the time for all good men and
women to come to the aid of their country?
  
I hope you enjoyed today's Birk Blog:
 
12 Monkeys At Work On
The Big Stinking $15 Trillion Turd
- a look behind the scenes and inside
The Congressional Super Committee!
  
4) Will they save America by Thanksgiving?
 
5) Or will these Twelve Turkeys punt the yam down
the road.
 
Good Gravy!
Can they save us before the Battle For The Frisco Bell and the 104th kickoff of the Webster-Kirkwood Game!
 
If you live in AC-DC-PECer land inside the Bowelway tune in on WOBS!
 
Or keep your Cranberry and Blackberry handy for
the Lastest Breaking News, Wind and Hot Air 
from these dozen brave bipartisans wrestling with
the fate of America! in the Trifecta of tryptophane...
or turpentine...or whatever that stuff is in turkey meat
that puts you to sleep...while they "reach across
the aisle" and into your wallet to rob you blind.

___________________

Nutrition Tip From Mama Obama.

Have a heaping bowl of Ma Holder's Hush Hush Mush!

Chew it over and over and over and over and over...never eat it fast and furiously.

Don't think for yourself. That's our job! Always listen to our inspiring President!

__________________________________

TIP TWO:

Ma Holder's HUSH HUSH MUSH is a lot easier to swallow, if you wash it down with lots of ACORN-flavored Obama Juice - with even more of the mind-numbing ingrediaent, BS-4U!. 


Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic  

PS: I wonder who else will authorize the President to issue an Executive Order to re-purpose the Social Security Funds in their account to decrease the CURRENT and future LIABILITY. Will the following fat cats do it? Why carry Spielberg's, DiNero's, Scorsese's, Oprah's. Jimmy Kimmel's, George Soros', Joy Behar's Michael Moore or Bill O'Reilly's, Tim Matthews, Sean Hannity's, Glen Beck's or Bombastic Bob Bechel's balances on the books - they don't need the money to retire.

Take the Liability off the books -  if millions did it we'd make a real impact NOW!

NOW IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD MEN AND WOMEN TO COME TO THE AID OF THEIR COUNTRY.

I am I only one? Gee...we'll see.

I'm Doing This On RePurpose! Here's The Declaration Of NonDependence - Birk Squares Things Up With Uncle Sam. Simultaneously Helps The President Reduce The Federal Deficit! Now Is The Time For All Good Men To Come To The Aid Of Their Country!

 

BREAKING NEWS AND WIND: I just got this AARP link to THE TRUTH AND 5 MYTHS ABOUT SOCIAL SECURITY. OMG! Looks like I was right to get out and give the money to help!

http://news.aarp.org/t?r=2&c=3333&l=32&ctl=1AB8B:2930CEB7425BDD231A066752462D1014&USEG_ID%3D14386213749&sisearchengine=37&siproduct=111111~webletter~AARP.org~Work+and+Retirement~Social+Security~Myths+and+Truths+About+Social+Security~F1&clearppc=1

 

 

Dear Pals,

CRYSTAL CLEAR READER CLARIFICATION: Since I have been known to "screw around" here on the blog every once in a while, like - everyday. So, I want every one to know that the following personal authorization for the President is 100% True and Totally Serious in nature and was mailed to a list of appropriate people today.

Below is a letter that I have mailed via the USPS to:  President Barack H. Obama, The Secretary Of The Department of Education, Senators Claire McCaskill and  Roy Blount of Missouri and Representative Lacey Clay and the President of Sallie Mae, The Director of The Social Security Administration and a few of my Media Pals across the fruited plain.

I have a correspondence file over 2-inches thick documenting my written exchanges with all of these folks above over the pastnearly  2-years - except for the President of The United States and the Director of the Social Security Administration

Up til now, I did not want to bother you, Mr. Obama, because you've been a pretty busy guy.

But now, everywhere I look I see that my country in deep financial trouble and in desparate need for new revenue sources. But who wants to raise taxes in a down economy. I think that is a bad idea.

Well, Mr. President, Birk is here and I am ready to help!

Here's my Letter:

____________________________

Dear Mr. President,

I am authorizing you to take the following immediate actions via Executive Order.

 Please repurpose and redeploy ALL the money safely protected in my Social Security Trust Found Account.

I get a nice individual account report every year showing how much I've paid into the Social Security Trust Fund, since I was a wee lad. It shows how much has been paid in and what my projected monthly payment will be when I retire.

WOW! Look at all the money I've paid in!

America has been good for Birk...and Birk has been pretty good for America too.

Well, I'm NEVER going to retire. I will keep working until I croak, because I love working.

My work is my play!

So my money that has been dutifully collected for 48+ years, that is just sitting safe and sound in my account in The Social Security Trust Fund waiting for me to retire, can now be repurposed and immediately redeployed with my full permission and authorization for these purposes.

I. Pay off the loans I have with Sallie Mae. Let's help them out, they might be a little short of cash after paying out the recent round of well-deserved executive bonuses at Sallie's kissin' cousins Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.

2. Pay off the DOE loan. The one that was migrated unbeknownst to me from Sallie Mae by your D.C. bureaucrats to the Department Of Education in the attempt to make Sallie Mae's books look solvent and Rrepresentative Barney Frank and the late Senator Chris Dodd look smart. (A task I'm not sure even The Almighty is up to)

These loans amount to a piddling LIABILITY of less than $80,000.00.

3. Use The Balance To Help Reduce The Federal Deficit.

Since I'm not going to retire and will NEVER make a claim on the funds in my Social Security Trust Account you can have it ALL!

It is there right?

Of course it is.

It's safe in a "lock box" where it is protected by the vigilance, honesty, integrity and full faith of the Federal Government with the oversight of Congress.

If was ever stolen from me - which is totally inconceivealble - the FBI could certainly follow the money trail and catch the perpatrators and punish them to the full extent of the law.

My paid in ASSET - has been long held in trust for my retirement -  so now, it can be repurposed to help you, Mr. President as we work to restore the solvency and fiscal responsibility of America.

The money I paid in all those years is MANY MANY times the amount owed on the loans that were written under the auspices of Sallie Mae and slip-transferred magically to the Department of Education.

In recent years, these loans have caused me no end of heartache. Not to mention hundreds of hours of wasted time. I have a file 2-inches thick showing how the Department of Energy and Sallie Mae got things FUBAR. 

Try as I might, I can't fix the problem. The bank can't fix the problem. Sallie Mae can't fix the problem.The Department of Education has told me that they have fixed the problem. But they have not.

I thought about holding a PRESS CONFERENCE and inviting all of my pals in the blogosphere and on radio, TV and newpaper industry to show them how FUBAR the situation is. But, that would be embarrassing to hardworking government employees and very unhelpful to my country.

NOW IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD MEN AND WOMEN TO COME TO THE AID OF THIER COUNTRY!

We need to make this happen NOW!

Adopt this Birk Plan Now!

If the Department of Education can't act, you and I can, because you are the new "Action Jackson" and I am your wingman - The Spotted Dog - a Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic.

Together we can set things aright. It's me and you Mr. President walking shoulder-to-shoulder, hand-in-hand and armed with an all powerful, "get 'er done!" Presidential Executive Order!  

Alleluia!

ONCE AGAIN - HERE ARE THE STEPS - DUCKY-DOGGIE-HORSEY.

1) Take ALL the ASSET funds kept safely in my Social Security Trust Account

2) Pay off the LIABILITY -principal first and then interest - on Sallie Mae loans via EFT

3) Pay off the LIABILITY - principal first and then interest - at The Department of Education via EFT

4) Use the ENTIRE remaining BALANCE OF THE ASSET funds in my Social Security Trust Fund and deposit them via EFT in the General Revenue Fund and use the money to reduce the Federal Deficit.

That will reset the ASSET BALANCE in my Social Security Trust Fund to ZERO.

And my Sallie Mae Loans go to ZERO too.

I simply repurpose and give up my Social Security Trust Account balance.

Shazam! Shamwow!

Look what happens!  Debts get paid and a deficit contribution is made to America by a grateful Citizen of the Republic - one Nation under God, where we all play fair and square by the same rules.

5) I'll start over again by contributing money to my social Security Trust Account via withholding and if you ever need more money from my Social Security Trust Fund account in the future, just have one of your minions gimme a jingle and I'll send you another letter like this that will give you the further authorization needed to repurpose the new funds in the future.

God Bless you Mr. President!

Thanks for your help.

Warmest personal regards,

Birk

PS: You have all my information on file - I don't trust posting my SSN here or specific account information. Sallie Mae and the Department of Education have it.

You know, it would've be kinda fun to call a PRESS CONFERENCE and turn over all the documents in my file to the Media. But I'm not a troublemaker and the last thing I want to do in this election year is show my fellow voters all the shenahigans that went on.

It is totally FUBAR!***

This repurposing should NOT create a "taxable event" for me, since I'm just authorizing you to pay the money out from one Federal Agency (Social Security) and into the Department of Education and into a quasi-Federal business (Sallie Mae) and I'm making a free will  contribution to reduce my country's deficit.

It is 100% revenue generative in favor of the Federal Government.

Here's to getting back to Life, Liberty and The Pursuit of Happiness!

Don't worry about me Mr. President, I've personally "MEANS TESTED" me, and I'll be fine.

"America, she has been velly velly good to me!" - SNL Baseball Legend.

You go take care of the SEIU, ACORN and helpless OCCUPY Protestors. They are in need all the help they can get and I'm glad to chip in everything held in my Social Security Trust Account.

I'll bet Micheal Moore and his cadre of millionaire Hollywood pals would love to do the same. Tim Geithner and Ben Bernanke can lead the way too. How about, Susan Sarandon...why this could raise billions and make Social Security do the job it was intended to do. Be a safety net for the really needy among us.

I hope Danny Glover and Sean Penn will step up too! God love 'em!

Mr. President, you can MERIT my vote by turning over the $1 Billion you're raising for TV spots to be repurposed to reduce the defict.

You do that and you will be reelected!

My motto is, "I try to be helpful!""

I'd be willing to pay for the cost of copying The Executive Order - I'd like to frame it and put it right next to your picture for all to see.

***FUBAR is a military term. If you are not familar with it, just ask any member of the Armed Services what it means. It's kinda like SNAFU - but more so, in a Nancy Pelosi, Barney Frank, Harry Reid sorta way.

 Godspeed President Obama!

A "Hacked Weiner" - Every Man's Worst Nightmare Since A Woman Grabbed A Butcher Knife And Bobbedit! It Now Strikes Innocent Congressman From New York. So, Who's Wiener Was It And When Did He Show It And Know It?

Dear Pals,

Representative Weiner (D-NY)  finds himself and his alleged weinerschnitzel in hot water. Not even Nancy Pelosi will touch Weinergate with a pair of ten foot long tongs.

Representative Weiner (D-NY) self-effacing allegedly said, "This is just a little distraction."

And then he gives the "If I was giving a speech to 45,000 people and sombody threw a pie..." rambling expanation in his defense of this alleged offense/prank/hacking et al.

Look here's the easy way to solve this.

MAKE IT A REALITY SHOW!!

America's Tweetest Weiner!

Johnsonville Brats can sponsor it.

Nathan's cannot participate because they "Answer To A Higher Authority" as well as, sponsor hot dog eating contests. Oscar Mayer, The Weiner Mobile, Little Oscar and the Oscar Mayer Weiner Whistle must also be excluded for obvious reasons.

HERE'S HOW THE CELEBRITY "FACE OFF" WORKS!

We line up 25 Celebrity Guests behind a scrim sponsored by Crisco brand shortening.

The scrim is cropped to just show the area from the celbrity's shorts' waist band at the top to the shorts bottom.

The object of the game is to pick the weiner that most closely matches the Tweeted weener shot from Congressman Weiner's Twitter page.

We have a 1-800-WEE-NERD Call-In Line!

CELEBRITY LIST FOR CONSIDERATION:

Alec "Arod" Rodriguez

Congwessman Bwarney Fwank

Meat Loaf

Peter O'Toole

Rosie O'Donnell

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arte Johnson

Rich Little

Alan Combs

Andy Dick

Dr. Fill

Rod Carew

George Bush

Dick Cheney

Gary Busey

Courtney Cox

Dick Van Dyke

Bernie Madoff

Lewis Black

Robin Williams

Congressman Weiner

Joy Behar

Bill O'Reilly

Ed Koch

Shaquille O'Neal

Vice President Joe Biden

Congressman Al Franken

MIchael More or Less

Please nominate your own list of potential celebrity candidates.

Participating celebrities can use faux weiners - salamis, cucumbers, sweet potatoes or "the real McCoy" to challenge the viewer's vision in an attempt to fool the audience.

We invite viewers to vote in 3-rounds until we pick "The Tweetest Weiner." Each vote costs $1.00 - we use the money to A) Offset the Federal Deficit B) Pay for "An American Weiner Bus Tour" or C) fund the erection of a giant "Weiner" In Times Square or outside Yankee Stadium.

The winner will recieve a "Day With A Weiner" on Capitol Hill or in the bullrushes under the Eads Bridge in East St. Louis, Illinois.

How tweet it is!

Is this a great idea or what?

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic

PS: I really hope this "Weiner thing" does not get blown out of proportion or get completely out of hand. A scandal like this is the last thing the Democrats wanted to pop up just before the run up to Obama's re-erection bid...What?

How President Obama Can Buy My Vote!! It'll ONLY Cost Him One Billion Dollars!! He Can Take One Action That Will Speak Louder Than 1,000,000 Reelection Campaign TV Spots.

BIRK'S IDEA TO REELECT PRESIDENT OBAMA!

The President wants to raise $1 Billion for his reelection campaign from all of his supporters. Vice President Joe Biden actually looked teary-eyed when he semi-begged for the money at the press conference announcing the President's official candidacy for a 2nd term.

I'll vote to reelect Preisent Obama if he leads by example and takes the $1 Billion he raises and donates it to reduce the Federal Deficit.

He doesn't need to run even one TV ad.

He can be on TV and radio news anytime he wants.

If he puts his money where his mouth is and leads by example and redistributes his own political capital (wealth obtained from other people) WOW!

His actions would speak louder than any words he could utter. His actions would generate many times the Billion in FREE publicity and public goodwill. And, think of all the extra time he'd have to focus on solving the country's problems, not to mention the trickbag he'd put his opponents in.

I hate to admit it - but in all modesty - this is a genius political idea.

He'd go down in history as Obama The Great and Munificent.

Think he'll do it?

Why not? 

What's the risk?

Even if he loses, he'll never ever be broke. He'll get a cool Presidential pension, lucrative book deals and many speaking engagements.

Does he have the courage of his convictions?

Let's see him take one totally altruistic action to really reduce the Federal Deficit.

I think the independent swing voters would re-elect him in a landslide.

Or is this just another one of my idealistic dreams induced by eating vegetables?

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic

PS: Send this on to all your pals and encourage Mr. Obama to lead by example - invest in America!

Entrepreneurship's Finest Hour! Introducing The Ultra-App To End All Apps! The Killer App! Could It Be The Next Google Or Twitter? Will The Sun Rise In The West?

NEW ULTRA APP COMING SOON: It's called:

YouWatchMeAsIWatchYouWatchMeWatchYou!

You can watch me as I type this as I watch you watch me type this. Wowie! Zowie! Uncle Howie! How cool is that? Way cool and rad!

Think of the possibilities!!!

If you want to get in on the below ground floor send me $5.00. Everybody gets a piece of the action! It's a real people's program! It is the APP Opportunity of your lifetime.

I plan to sell a share to everybody on facebook and twitter!

As soon as I get $1 Billion the IPO offer ends.

Are you excited? You bet you are!!

ACT NOW! Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime GOLDEN opportunity!!

______________________ FINE PRINT AND LEGAL BS: IPO (Insane Private Offfering)

 

Not approved by or registered with any government or professional investment manager.

Risk of loss of investment principal is "possible" just like those "potentially safe" tax-advantaged

State and Municipal bonds. Assault and batteries not included. See SEIU.

 

ACT NOW! Send $5.00 today! Cash only please!

 

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic. The Sage in the Crimson Snuggie.

The Second Greatest Story Ever Told,These Are Our Beloved Sons And Daughters In Whom I, For One, Am Well Pleased.

America's best days are behind us.

Sez who?

Watch this

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/11/05/the-road-home-intro.html?gt1=43002

then read this if you have 02:35 minutes to spare from your extremely busy day.

Dear Pals,

We just had our financial Halloween when the spooks and hobgoblins of gloom and doom tried to scare us. BOO! BOO! BOO WHO! BOO ME? BOO YOU?

America is going broke. Your 401(k) will be worth 30% less. Unemployment will stay high because everybody's sitting on the sideline waiting for the govenrment to tell us what to do. Do you really beieve in "government direction" or I'm from the government, "I'm here to help."

Or what about your friendly community banker who can see numbers and miss a person's character? Mr. Birkenmeier, your financial statement looks weak, perhaps you should look to your own resources first and, then call us when you don't need the TARP money, which we're not lending because we're using it to fireproof our own asses in "LOAN LOSS RESERVES."

Obama and professional "Lenders" know what's best for you and the rest of "We the Dummies."

Really, and maybe they do, come to think of it. After all the U.S. Dollar is just "printed faith in each other." It's not on the GOLD STANDARD - it's backed by the HUMAN STANDARD.

 I think that I might have been too hasty and  harsh on our once inspiring new President. That is a distinct possibility. One which I'm going to embrace and ponder. Maybe he's just like me...maybe he just moves too fast and doesn't listen too well. DOH!

In recent days, I've been guilty of doing the same thing I've accused him of doing...I think I'll take some chill pills and Jamieson's Irish Whiskey and listen to the advice of my long-suffering wife, my at-home-son and daughter.

So, I'm going to "Fly into a great calm!" Or as my late Father-in-law used to say, "Serenity now." Or like the old ad jingle sang, "Take Sominex tonight for safe and restful sleep, sleep...sleep.

Ahhh...much better after a good night's sleep, safe and snug at home with the people and cats who truly love me!

At last I'm beginning to get it. I am a quick thinker, but a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slow learner.

Let's go back in the Birk Tme Machine to yesterday, Veteran's Day 2010.

__________________________________

Now today is Armistice Day (aka Veteran's Day) the 11th., hour of the 11th. Day of the 11th. month. The "War to End All Wars" - The Great War ended on this date in 1918 in a railroad car in France.

Let the celebration begin!! Pop the corks! Pour out the all-American Korbel and French Moet Champagnes. It's time for wine, women and song!

American veteran's came home to the tune, "How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm, after they've seen Paree." And we couldn't even buy 'em a drink because the do-gooders had been very busy while our brave lads had been away.

Welcome home to Prohibition and Temperence and scolding and judging and a lot of here's how to run your life BS from really smart people who knew what was best for our Veterans.

Jobs were scarce and shuttering the "evil" distilleriiess and breweries really helped. Closing them down meant ending jobs for teamsters, barrel makers, harness makers like Hermann Oak Leather, wort tank makers, millers and timeclock makers had to shift gears fast. Demon Rum was demonized!  ( NOTE: Beware of Demonizers.)

Sweeper-uppers, had a lot less to sweep up. Thank God for Adolphus and Gussie!!!

The very govenment that our lads had been defending was now here to help them by telling them how to run their lives.

What utter hubris. Hubris is not just a disease of the left alone! The right is just as bad.

Where were these do-gooders when brave men were dying and limbs were flying in the air. They were in the same place they are today. Sitting smugly in the seat of the scornful, telling us how to run our lives. Liquor would never cross their lips...nor would kisses from AEF boys with "family-starting" on their minds! Those returning heroes had a bellyfull of dying and killing...they were looking for LOVE!! And, the women of Paris had already shown many of them the portal to the "Tunnel of Love" if you get my drift. Amusement parks used to have "Tunnels of Love" and many a young couple first dicovered the sweetness of a kiss and amused themselves in a floating swan.

Many veterans poured into the urban centers with a thirst for an exciting life, liberty, Flapper girls and of course, Packards, Pierce-Arrows and beer and whiskey - thoughtfully provided by happy people called, "The Micks." Or "Pug Uglies." My own family were Pug Uglies - one of the five Gangs Of New York. We're and attractive breed with no necks and slighty bugged-out eyes...like a Pug or Boston Bull Terrier.

The Irish were also sometimes  cleverly disguised as Dagos, Wops and Jews. Entrepreneurs one and all in this "emerging" GREEN industry! There was plenty of GREEN to go around. It was America's original entrepreneurial GREEN industry. GREEN money and even GREEN BEER on St. Patrick's Day.

But, there were also so some real attractions "down on the farm" - a city girl named Kate Birkenmeier fell in love with the shyest, quietest country boy our family ever knew and Aunt Kate left the bright lights of St. Louis to marry and move down to the farm to be with the love of her life Uncle Jerome Lutz in Weingarten, MO.

"The Lutz's were dirt poor, but rich in kids," Grandma Birkenmeier used to point out.

Today, I'll drink a toast to my Dad - who was with Patton's 3rd Army, my Grandpa, who was in the Bois de le Brigade Marine with his Negros and Filipinos; to Uncle Art who went to the South Pacific to "kill Japs" and Uncle Irwin who hung onto in the remains of a tailgunner position on a wild ride back to Tinian or Siapan.

I salute my first father-in-law Capt. Eugene "Bud" Hartrich who flew over "The Hump" and under wires out in West Texas in a B-17. To Capt. Ellis J. Van Slyck, MD, who answered the Korean call. To Dave Summers, Sergeant of Infantry, United States Army (ret) who fought in a battle in Viet Nam that most people never heard of - The Battle of the Michilien Plantation.

Today I'll pour a round of shots on the bar at OB Clarks at 11:11.10 - and I'll propose to The Lost Planet Airmen, and all the other clowns, who hang out there that we plan for a 100th Anniversary Celebration in 11.11.11. (11.12.11 note: Actually I got there late, because of stupidity and not following directions.)

Today it looks all dark and dreary, but I'm not afraid at all because America has always been willing to sacrifice and spend our real "National Treasure" - we have fallen sons and daughters all around the world mostly beneath the white crosses and Mogen Davids of our Judeo-Christian land.

I don't think we built a U.S. National cemetary in Korea or Viet Nam - and I don't think the "offensive" Cross and Star Of David will adorn any hallowed ground in the lands where the Crescent Moon hangs.

Today we bring our boys and girls bodies home quietly in the dead of night, we hide the price of freedom. And, when there is a public ceremony, the grieving family has to endure the vomit-enducing insults of so-called Christian fundamentlists, who are neither Christian or fundamentally kind and decent. I think even Jesus might have cast the first stone at these scornful judges. (NOTE: Remember, Jesus was The Prince of Peace, but even he had limits...ask the money changers, who felt the sting of his rage. Some behavior is beyond thr pale of fundamental human decency and PC-tolerance.)

Now, let me ask you a question?

Why worry about your stupid 401(k) - our ancestor veterans never had one. Yet they showed us all how to live and die. Not for oil or gold or spice from Zanzibar.

They died to protect the real treasure of America, the pearl of great price. To have it you have to give it all away...including your life. All around the world the soil has been watered and seeded with young Americans - our best and bravest.

If they could invest their lives for me...I can at least invest my life savings to save the America they died for. The currency speculator and left-funding George Soros can have all the money in the world and he'll still be an impoverished and soulless man.

Hey George "Soreass" Soros, here's a big "UP YOURS!

From me and my ancestors and from very liberty loving American that ever has or will ever live.

On this day my Grandfather used to drink the simple toast, "To the Lost."

And in my dream, he'd rub my little head and say, "and the Found."

One day I asked him what that meant.

He said, "It's like The Lost and Found at The Grand Leader, you might think you've lost something but it's really waiting for you if you only know where to look for it. Hence the old saying, "What's lost is found - the war-weary and world-battered Prodigal Son returns to His Father's house. You'll understand someday."

He was not a formally educated man and I'm no college grad either. But, I heard or imagined this in Collinish English, "College can make the rich and dumb even more stupider."

Will I see you at OB Clark's? I'm buying a round for "The Lost and Found." (NOTE: If you we'ren't able to make it on Thursday, it's a standing offer that will only expire when I do - or when the Irish stop making Jamieson's. I'll always take one half shot to the Lost and one to the Found.

I heard a man say, "50% of happiness is from the people you have in your life. And 50% is from the people you don't have in your life." Psychic vampires can drain your energy...I'm sticking with the energy and health infusers from now on!

Ahhh...it's good to be home here in St. Louis...which is heaven on earth. If you know it is!

Birk, Commonsensetarian, Citizen of the Republic and a Mob of One

PS: Ironically, try as I might I was never smart enough to get into West Point, Annapolis or the Air Force Academy. I always wanted to be a soldier. But that's wasn't to be - instead I got to spend my wonderful life like Harry Baily creating advertising campaigns using Strategy and Tactics and Logistics - I'm getting ready to do that again. Only this time I have to balance my output with my income - I finally figured out what a consultant with my level of experience and expertise and energy level should charge.

I am a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slow learner...maybe I need to hurry more slowly.

SO I'm unleashing the power of my own money and some cash borrowed with interest from The Bank of Pals. Our national currency is backed by the full faith and credit of the United States of America and our real national treasure...our Reluctant Warriors...brave and tall who are always willing to answer the call and give their all.

My personal currency is backed by my energy and the good ideas that flow into my brain as a gift from God and by the love, kindness, encoragement and oh yes, never-ending patience of my Pals.

i am rich beyond measure - like Harry Baily, In it's A Wonderful Life, I found heaven on earth right here in the Heart Of America...the land of the big rivers and the big people of The Lion Of The Valley. My home town, St. Louis, Missouri.

ONE Last thought - about our Reluctant Warriors who come home with broken bodies, minds and spirits. What can you do to help heal them??

Maybe it's just little things that can mean a lot.

Greet them!

Thank 'em every day!

Buy 'em breakfast...buy 'em a beer! 

Let them know that every town is their town.

That every home is their home.

That every family is their family.

Every dinner table is their dinner table.

Tell 'em THE WELCOME MAT is out at your home.

Put 'em - cook 'em a homecooked meal.

Love 'em like your own sons and daughters - because they are!

Reach out an touch their prosthesis.

Shake it. It is the hand we gave them for the hand they gave the world.

_______________________________

LEGAL NOTICE: This message Is sponsored by Spotted Dog Books a publishing unit of Capstone Publications and T. J. Birkenmeier, Inc., DBA The ORCA Partnership, St. Louis, MO 63144. 314-918-7500 All rights are unreserved and be used without the permission of the author T. J. "Birk" Birkenmeier on every day of the year on which America's Reluctant Warriors are revered and honored. Especaially in Irish Bars and places like the St. Louis Irish Institute of Talmudic-Jesuitical-Augustinian Philosophical Studies - aka. O.B. Clarks.

__________________________________________

SHAMELESS COMMERCIAL MESSAGE: Because we've grown accustomed to eating.

I wrote SHOE TOWN as an homage to Tom, Joe, Harry and Frank - it's about a St. Louis past in 1931 and St. Louis future in 2031.

My first novel, SHOE TWON is a St. Louis PSI-story about "soles and souls and heals and heels" - some Lost and some Found.

Order today! ISBN 978-143926500 In soft cover and on KINDLE.

Special autographed editions of SHOE TOWN are available upon request from my literary agents Michelle and Karen and Ed "what's his name." ( It's not Clark...and it doesn't really matter because O'Brien, the genial proprieter prefers complete anonomity.)

FYI: All books purchased with a shot of Jamieson's will have 100% of the proceeds going to St. Louis Childrens, Cardinal Glennon and Shriners Hospitals. And Ed will give you a FREE manly hug!

 

 

 

The Birk Unbeatable Presidential Dream Team Ticket For 2012. It's Time To Look Past President Obama. Birk Completely Rethinks American Presidential Campaigning.

Dear Pals,

Today I went into The Vortex Of Inevitability and entered a deep meditative state. To the uninitiated, this looks remakably like a nap. To enhance my deep cover I add sound effects like a steady rhythmic snore punctuated by an occasional methane exclamation point to throw observers off the mark, if not the scent.

Today I awakened to find myself in charge of the campaign to elect an unbeatable Dream Ticket for a new Third Party. I had only had a paltry $50,000,000 media budget, a bare bones $15,000,000 production budget and my fee is a measly $10,000,000.

$75 million all in for a national Presidential campaign.

Peanuts!

Impossible! Hah!! Not to the old Birkster.

So I'd have to use hour long infomercials on cheap overnight TV at rockbottom prices. People can TIVO it. I'd be on every other week. With a week in between to rest up and refresh. Each week on would focus on ONLY one issue...with enough time to propose solutions and have discussions. NO SOUND BITES ALLOWED.

Hour long format- first half-hour: Here's the Problem and Solution Options.  Second half-hour, live audience asks questions.

Do this for 26 weeks - 26 different issues. No negativity. No name calling.

I'll guarantee a 50 state sweep, plus territories and protectorates.

I'll guarantee that the world will stand up and cheer for America.

Who's on The Birk Unbeatable Dream Ticket? And what's the party's name?

Well, we have a person of long and loyal serice and tremendous up-to-the minute international experience. And we have an inspiring leader with real governing experience.

Together they are The Unbeatable Dream Ticket. Who will be President and who will be Vice President? Who cares they can flip a coin. They will divide the duties of The Office Of The President along lines of talent, experience, expertise and passion.

As General George Smith Patton, Jr., might say, "I'd hate to be the big fat elephant or dumb jackass that's going up against them when they come a callin' and a clawin'."

My ideal ticket under the symbol of The Great American Bear is Grizzley Mama and Mama Grizzley! The good old boy network has had it's chance...let's give two of America's biggest and baddest ladies a shot!

The Party Is called The Great American Grizzley Bear Party = The GBP! and the top of the ticket is Hillary Sara Palin Clinton.

The Birk Dream Team is Unbeatable.

Ladies, I'm here awaiting your call. I guarantee total victory or I will exile myself to Jamaica and devote the rest of my life to waxing the underclad.

Birk, Commonsensetarian, Citizen Of The Republic, Sage in the Crimson Snuggie.

PS: If asked, I will serve as the First Secretary of Humor as a Dollar-A-Year-Man. I will appoint Joy Behar as my undersecretary of Humor to The People's Republic of North Korea. As for Whoopie Goldberg, well she's going to be on my staff with the other great Black Jewish comedian, Lewis.

PS 2: Todd and Bill can go fishin' down in the Irish Wilderness or up Wisilla way for a few years.

Barack and Michelle can write an NYT Worst Seller: It Was All Joe Biden's Fault, or maybe it was George Bush's or maybe Glenn Beck or maybe it was the San Andreas Fault.

Beck can marry O'Reilly and Stewart can marry Colbert.

God's in his heaven and all's right with the world. Oh yeah, the ladies of Islam will be having some serious chats with their husbands.