The Wise Buddha-hahahaha

Why Is Life So Weird? Or Is It Just Me? Pass The Chartreuse And Let The "Truth Serum" Flow!

Dear Pals,

Does the world today seem completely upside down and/or off track to you?

Or is it just me? Maybe I'm just out of sync with the new reality. 

It seems like everyday I'm astounded by some new development in this "Giddy-up-Whoa!" world.

It's like the lyrics from the old songs, "First you say you do and then you don't. Then you say you will and then you won't," or "You say TOMato and I say toMAHto...let's call the whole thing off."

Am I the weird one?

Or, the wired one?

Could my life be just one big cosmic typo?

Did I step unawares through a time portal into a bizarre parallel universe?

Maybe World War Z isn't a novel after all.

Maybe Max Brooks is really onto something in his Oral History Of The Zombie War. 

Or, maybe it's just an odd feeling that Lady Sychronicity has pulled me down a bewildering rabbit hole and I've tumbled out into a Brave New American World where up is down, in is out and the inmates really are running the asylum.

Before I join the "American Boat People" who are rowing to Cuba for safety and escape from the walking dead...please feel free to weigh in on this topic.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic and a Mob of One

PS:  I think I hear the "High Lonesome" of the Wasatch calling me.

I'm beginning to understand the attraction of silence and solitude and why the Mountain Men of yore preferred the clean crisp air of the high Sierras to the confusing and confused company of citified men and women in flatland society.

As much as I love the romantic notion of following James Taylor's suggestion to "Slap leather and head for the line of trees," I'm not the Marlboro Man and I'd probably be The Big Birk on the McGrizzley menu by dark.

So is there another option to enduring the Le Monde Circque de Jour?

Hmmm...maybe I'll shave my head and join the Carthusian Monks near Grenoble and devote my remaining days to making Chartreuse and sampling it. Even I can gather and distill mountain herbs!

Chartreuse is truly something very special...especially the green variety. With a glass or two, I could take a mind-freeing trip to the outer fringes of the galaxy without ever leaving my cell in the monastery.

After all, if you're not free in your mind...where indeed are you free?

Now there's a question worth pondering.

President Obama Pot Head Chia Pet Source Located!! Christmas Is Saved! It's The Perfect Growing Green Gift For Every Liberal On Your Holiday Gift List!!

Dear Pals,

Is there a more green and politically-correct way to say, "Seasons Greetings!" than with an Obama Chia Pet Pot Head Of State?

I don't think so.

I thought this future eBay treasure had been withdrawn from the market. But I was wrong.

You can get one for only $24.95 plus applicable taxes shipping and handling from The What On Earth catalog - or online at www.whatonearthcatalog.com

Just soak the Presidential pot head in water, then smear the green  magic goo on Obama's head. After that, every few days, water it very liberally and watch it grow a lot of worthless green stuff.

Wowie Zowie Uncle Howie!!

It's just like the worthless green stuff that Tim Geithner's printing over at the Debtpartment of the Treasury.

Like the old Motown song says, "It's growing! Like a snowball rolling down the side of a hill, it's growing. Every day it grows a little more...oh oh oh how it grows and grows and where it's gonna stop...I'm sure nobody knows. Hey hey hey."

They also have the much sought after President Bill Clinton Corkscrew and the Hillary Rodham Clinton Nutcracker. Craaaaack!

Plus my personal favorite T-Shirts:

LAWYERS...the world's second Oldest Profession

and

Bankers...the folks who gave blood-sucking vampires a bad name.

Christmas is saved!!

Ooops, I mean the non-demoninational, ethnically-diverse, politically-correct seasonal holiday of commercial materialistic celebration is saved.

I don't want the ACLU to sue me for putting the CHRIST back in Christmas.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citzen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: Listen! Hark! Is it the Herald Angels singing??...no wait...it's a

HO! HO! HO!...

Yep, three HOs...it's either the Jolly Green Giant, Santa Claus or a trio of ACORN career counsellors.

Will President Obama Confirm The Presence of Extraterrestrial Vistors Living Among Us By Thanksgiving or Christmas? Check This Out!

Dear Pals,

Check out the Stephen Bassett story on Coast-To-Coast...

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/

My Pal George Noory had a great interview with him last night on ET Disclosure.

It seems the global UFO world is all abuzz about the prospects of President Obama making an unprecedented announcement sometime very soon, like between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

What's the news?

We are not alone.

But don't worry, extra-terrestrials have been in contact with the human race for a long long long long time...but, mankind wasn't "emotionally or intellectually" ready to handle the news.

In recent months, governments as diverse as England, Russia, France and Brazil have released news of alien visitations and well-documented encounters.

Now, President Obama is going to announce the news that the United States government has direct contact with folks from elsewhere and has for sometime.

Check out the interview it's fascinating.

How would this news affect your worldview and belief systems?

What if it's true?

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: If true, this could explain the mysteries of the Great Pyramids, the monoliths on Easter Island, Stonehenge, the legend of Atlantis, midwest crop circles and Nancy Pelosi.

Maybe these obviously advanced-civilizations will be able to cure cancer, diabetes, heart disease and get the 12:00 to stop blinking on my old (but still plugged in ) VCR.

Or maybe, they'll have us for lunch.

OOOOOOgahboooogah...gotta love Coast To Coast with George Noory!!

Why Are Axholerod's Pants On Fire? Reality Check This Dude Out...

Dear Pals,

If only he had been standing 10-feet further back...watch...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33620711/ns/politics-more_politics

Here's your daily dose of fresh-squeezed O.J. (Obama Juice).

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob Of One

PS: Step right up! Step right up! Get your Dr. Obama's Magic OJ Elixer...cures all ills...contains the secret all natural ingredient made from ACORNs...it's called BS-4U!!

Here Is A Box Of DOTS That Will Blow Obama's Recession Recovery Sky High. Here Comes Dow 5000! Put On Your Depends And Read On, If You Dare.

Dear Pals,

I really do hope I'm wrong about all that I've written here.

Here are the DOTs in the sugar-coated box from The Candyman.

DOT ONE: The US Dollar is falling in value...wheeee!

DOT TWO: The 3.5% Q3 GDP growth is a highly manipulated number - it's totally bogus, because of Cash For Clunkers, cash for first time home buyers and a rise in exports due to the devalued dollar.

DOT THREE: The Fed closed 9 more banks on Friday - despite the influx of TARP funds, banks all across the USA are in disarray financially. There are more to come.

DOT FOUR: TARP funds will not be used by banks to lend to small businesses - instead these TARP funds are being used as "loan loss" reserves on bank balance sheets to cover the risky loans they made in the past, for which they did not reserve enough capital to cover, if the loan went bad. Bank stock values have dropped faster than a hooker's undies and are likely to stay down. ( There is some irony in that analogy! )

DOT FIVE: States are cutting back on staff - 700 state workers lost their jobs in Missouri just this Friday. Why? Declining tax revenues.

DOT SIX: States are slashing budgets, Missouri has to cut another $100 million - some of it out of heretofore sacred Medicare. What's next? The Governor's jet?

DOT SEVEN: Unemployment is currently stated at 10% - right...do you believe that?

DOT EIGHT: Underemployment is an uncountable number...are you fully-employed and getting paid what you're worth? I'm currently getting paid zero. Am I underemployed? Or, am I getting paid what I'm worth?

DOT NINE: Tax revenue is falling like a rock in state after state after state after state...

DOT TEN: State reserves and "rainy day" funds across the USA are gone or evaporating fast

DOT ELEVEN: Commercial real estate loans on bank books are extremely troubled as occupancy and rent revenues plummet. REITs ain't what they used to be. Just count the FOR LEASE signs as you drive around. Or ask my pal "Tom The Torch."

DOT TWELVE: Banks can't find capital to cover deposit liabilties and the FDIC had to do a capital call to have member banks send cash to replenish the FDIC funds used to cover consumer accounts in failing banks.

And when the FDIC says, "Send the dough." The banks bloody-well send it mucho pronto!

DOT THIRTEEN: Consumer confidence is plummeting - no sane person believes anything the politicians are peddling...the smoke and mirrors in the Congressional budgeting process ain't cutting it anymore.

DOT FOURTEEN: Consumer spending has slowed...Q4 "The Golden Quarter" of retailing is likely to be "The Bronze Quarter."

DOT FIFTEEN: Our USA debt is at an all-time high and heading higher...Zillions, Trillions, Billions, Millions...what's a few zeroes among friends. (Hmmmm...that sounds familiar.)

DOT SIXTEEN: Massive new "stimulus" and bailout spending has produced very little real and sustainable job growth outside the government sector.

DOT SEVENTEEN: The Healthcare debacle will add over a Trillion dollars in new "deficit neutral" spending - Look Mommy, there's a pony in the yard and it's free!

DOT EIGHTEEN: Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan continue to roll on as Generals in the field are second-guessed by Generals John Heinz Kerry and General Joltin' Joe Biden.

DOT NINETEEN: Q3 Auto sales robbed from Q4 will force further job reductions ala the just-announced Chrysler-FIAT cutback of 23,000 jobs through buyouts, retirement and attrition

DOT TWENTY: There is NO real economic growth in the USA - profit numbers are the result of severe cutbacks in employees, inventory, marketing spending and production and the implimentation of super-tight fiscal management...it's like wearing a XXXXX-Spandex jock strap...I'm talking super tight here!

DOT TWENTY-ONE: If President Obama signs the Copenhagen agreement, the USA will be subject to new taxes on international banking transactions, on energy use here and variety of other crazy levies so that we can pay our "Carbon Debt" to 3rd world countries.

Wait a minute, hasn't the good old USA already sent Trillions in Foreign Aid to these countries since 1945? I think they owe us a Humanitarian Debt!

DOT TWENTY-TWO: China is watching and wondering why they should continue to finance USA debt by buying our Treasury Bonds?  They don't have to call in the debt they already hold...all they have to do is stop buying new debt.

DOT TWENTY-THREE: Who else wants to buy new USA Debt? The Saudis? The Brits? The Canadians, The Aussies, The Sons of Nippon? Banzai! The OPEC-rich countries? Look around pals...I don't see any cavalry riding to the rescue...but there may be 4-Horsemen headed our way.

DOT TWENTY-FOUR: April 15, 2010 - Apocalypse Now!

Due to unemployment, under-employment, business losses, stock market portfolio losses, reduced capital gains and continued economic malaise or decline, and NEW SPENDING, the Federal Government will find its income revenue stream has turned into a puny trickle.

How many taxpayers are: A) off the tax rolls, B) owe less taxes or C) owe no taxes???

Now, connect all those DOTS and what do you get?  Dots on Dominos all lined up to fall one after the other and then go...

KABOOOOOOOOBAMA!

That's DOTS - or Debt-o-nation On Terrible Scale! 

It's the sound of the USA economy imploding from the weight of the debt. It's that lucky old Sun collapsing inwardly to become a dwarf star eclipsed by the Red Giant.

Guess what President Obama's solution will be?

First he'll tax the remaining working people, he'll tax air and your hair and your underwear and then he'll send Tim Geithner back to China to kow-tow to the Chinese economic ministers to get them to buy more debt to fund the US income tax-revenue shortfall.

What will the Chinese do?

Will they:

1) Buy more US debt backed by the "full faith and credit" of the USA? I think the USA's Chinese creditcard might be very close to being max-ed out.

2) Take a really close look at the profligate spending policies of the Spendocrat Congress and the financial manipulations of Obama-Geithner-Bernanke and say, "No thanks, we've had quite enough USA-debt, thank you."

3) Ask, "How much gold is in Ft. Knox? Please put it all on a fast boat to China. You have plenty of empty intermodal containers all over America. Just load 'em up with your strategic gold reserves and ship them to Long Beach, and we'll take it from there."

Remember the Chinese invented the abacus.

They know when things add up and when they don't. They can also look at the USA and see that our manufacturing base isn't there anymore. Actually, they can look out their windows and see it because in the relentless pursuit of next quarter's EPS, we shipped our manufacturing to China and "Indo" to lower the COGS.

Thank God we have an ace-in-the-hole!

We are in the Information Age!!

We don't make a lot of real products anymore, but boy are we connected and man do we know how to use information!! Ask Bernie Madoff or George Soros how fast you can shoot assets around the world.

So here's the plan...we all Tweet the Chinese on our really cool iPhones, and show them 456 pictures of our really cute kids and share our precious FaceBook life moments with them -- and then we can beg them not to make the US dollar worth doo-doo minus two.

The big question is, will we advance to the next level in the worldwide video game, Fiscal Insanity II or will the Chinese simply say, "Game Over."

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, A Mob of One

PS: I'll bet you a 6" Subway Sandwich that you'll never look at another box of DOTS brand candy the same way again.

Well, dots all the ideas I have for today.

See you in the Gulag!

I can't leave you on a gloomy note...

CHEER UP!!

We're all going to eat healthier, lose lots and lots of weight and go green, because we'll all be eating pickled grass, pond algae and stewed leaves!

The heavy rains in the Midwest and South have drastically affected the harvest of corn, soybeans and cotton.

The corn and bean crop is only 23% harvested. It should be 75% to 80% harvested by now, And the corn that is harvested is too wet to store for use in foodstuffs or for use to make ethonal - unless farmers pay 40-cents a bushel to dry it from 28% moisture down to 17%.

Look on the bright side, we'll all be eating a lot less evil chicken that's deep-fried in cotton seed or soybean oil, because chicken wings will be $123.00 a dozen and nuggets will be $13.45 each...unless the dollar drops more in value...in which case there will be a price adjustment passed on to consumers.

Oh oh...if the record corn, soybean and cotton crops don't come in as we had hoped...then we won't have grain to feed to our cattle, hogs and chickens and we won't have hundreds of millions of bushels of grain and soybeans to ship to places like China, India and Saudi Arabia.

Would that effect our balance of trade?

It looks like a Perfect Storm where will NOT reap the grain we have sowed on borrowed money. Sorry, your friendly community banker will have to take the farm, unless of course, you have lots of assets to collateralize.

GREAT FLYING ZORT!!

At least we won't have to worry about outliving our 410(k)s or being too fat!

Dow 5000!! Dow 3500? Dow 2000?

Ready or not, here we come!

DISCLAIMER: The thoughts and opinions expressed in this blog are based on individual observations, speculations, conjectures, conversations in bars with The Lost Planet Airmen, and personal opinion. They in no way are endorsed by any branch of Government, since they do not align with official facts and opinions as deliniated in The Lemming-Offcliff Act.

So, before believing them, consult your own brain and then call your doctor. Always take opinions from The Wise Buddha-hahahaha with a ton of salt, a pound of common sense and 3 Grey Goose Gibsons.

The Wise Buddha-hahahaha is available for personal consultations and therapy sessions.

PRICE LIST: Beautiful, intelligent women 45-65 pro bono!! Cranky old men, hag-nags and crusty crones: $375.00 hr. Genius liberal college students, ACORN-members and progressive Democrats: Apply through Federal Grant.

Is President Obama The Master Of Political Stagecraft? And The Greatest Writer Since Julius Caesar? It's All Theater You Know...Shakespeare Had That Right!

Dear Pals,

Whenever I get my "tingly-feeling" things don't add up.

Like right now. Tell me if I'm wrong.

Am I mis-reading the tea leaves or just becoming a complete cynic?

I can handle the truth. It's the fiction that that troubles me.

The Commander In Chief - President Barack H. Obama and his image-making minions (Emmanuel, Axholerod and Gibbs) know how to use images to shape and influence public opinion. Something I know a little bit about as well.

Last week there were 2 striking - never-before-seen Obama images that are all over the TUBE.

Image One was him speaking in front of a sea of white-uniformed USN personnel at Pensacola. Where he promised never to send troops into harm's way without careful deliberation and, if he did send them, he would support them to the hilt.

Image Two was him saluting the honored dead coming home from Afghanistan as the caskets of fallen heroes were returned to US soil at Dover, Delaware.

It was an impressive image. The President of the United States standing straight and erect and holding a sharp and crisp military salute as the flag-draped caskets passed by.

My initial reaction was good, but then I got that eerie intuitive tingly-feeling that things didn't add up.

For some reason out of the blue, the Beatle's lyrics to Lovely Rita wafted through my alleged mind:

"In a cap she looked much older,
And the bag across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a military man." 

The tingly-feeling turned to a chill...I hoped it wasn't a chill of the cynical-paranoid variety.

Then my left-brain kicked in and said, "Look, President Obama is one cool and calculating cat, he plans every move, orchestrates every image, weighs every word, knows how and when to flash a winning smile and when to use self-deprecating humor."

Hmmm...so why was he first at Pensacola and then in rapid succession at Dover?  Everyone knew he was going to Pensacola, but his visit to Dover was an unannounced "surprise."

Thank God the cameras were there to catch the moment.

It all looks too stagecrafted to me.

But to what end? 

Potential Answer One: He was there with the purist of intentions and noblest of motives to reassure, inspire, support and honor our military and the honored dead who have fallen in the service of the Nation.

I truly hope that this is what his personal appearances were all about.

Potential Answer Two: It was just unadulterated calculated stagecraft. Obama, "The Man of Peace" (ratified by his recent Nobel Peace Price award) thoughtfully weighing the human cost of war (which he inherited from bungling President George Bush) before he (the reluctant warrior) makes a crucial decision to send troops in to harm's way (to approve or deny or modify his hand-picked General McChrystal's request for 40,000 addtional troops).

Potential Answer Three: Set up his ability to accept the Nobel Peace Prize while US Troops and UN/Nato Troops are still fighting.

Hmmm...

This all might have played pretty well except for the annoying fact that committed terrorists and Taliban scum were busy blowing up shopping bazaars and attacking UN guest houses and generally, carrying on their bloody butcher business as usual.

In the administration today, ironically, it seems like Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is the ONLY person who gets the big picture. She's chiding Pakistan to get off it's patooni and start cleaning up the safe-haven areas along the Pakistani-Afghan border.

__________

CLARIFICATION NOTE: Everyone who knows me can attest to the non-fact that I have long been a supporter and admirer of Ms. Clinton.

___________

Vice President Joe Biden, Senator/General/Ambassador-At-Small John Heinz Kerry and others are the "Thomases" doubting General McChrystal. They don't want to "go to far to fast."

What do they want? A slow, distant and protracted war??

So, what's the outcome going to be?

I'm betting that President Obama is calculating the decision very very very very carefully. I'm putting my money on this sequence of events.

1. The new Afghan elections don't go well. Even if a new President comes in it's still the same stinking toilet with a different terri-cloth seat-cover and a spritz of orange air-freshener.

2. That gives President Obama the opening to say, "The Afghan people and the UN need to solve the problem. The US will still help, of course, but the insurgent attacks on UN and civilian targets dramatically show that this is a world-issue not a US-only issue.

3. So I'm only going to send 20,000 troops to Afghanistan on a clearly defined mission with a prescise timetable.

4. We will secure the cities and free-up the Afghan army and police to fight the Taliban in the countryside because the people know them and they know the people and the terrain.

5. We will also collaborate with the Pakistani government to fight the insurgents hiding there, but we will only support the Pakistani army with intelligence, drone Predators and satelite survellience to track, find, pinpoint and target high priority targets.

6. We will begin drawing down US troops at a rate of 10,000 a month in January 2010 and will leave only enough US troops there to constitute NO MORE THAN 15% of the entire UN force in the region by October 2010.

This is a war of neccessity, but it is not exclusively America's war...it is a UN war. We'll do our part, but the nations of the world need to step up with men and material to defeat this Taliban-Al Quaida-Terrorist threat to world peace.

Our burdens at home require America to share this burden abroad."

_____________________________

That's the way I'd write it...

That would enable our inspiring new President to wink at his base as he collects a Nobel Peace Prize medal in Oslo. He'll be humble, smile and pick up the $1.4 mil and exit stage left to return home to fundamentally transform America.

Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too?

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic and a Mob Of One

PS: There is only one fly in the ointment. France, Germany, Great Britain, Canada, Norway, and Spain, will not step up to solve the problem because they have neither the capital or the political will. Too many Moslems live among them and getting really tough with Al Quida and the Taliban could cause big trouble within their own borders.

China and Russia won't help...so it falls the Poles, Czechs and Turks...but, they're not real happy since Obama pulled their Missile Defense Shield to palcate Putin.

And that leaves the Italians...well, si amore they're lovers...not fighters. Maybe the Iranians, Saudis could help...pass the hashish hookah, willya?

At the end of the day, President Obama can say, "Hey I tried. But the world didn't step up. But at least I brought our troops home with honor." (Just in time to vote, for guess who?)

Hmmmmm...

But, what do I know...I'm just a schmoo in the Midwest.

 

 

 

Best Selling Author Dan Brown, Professor Robert Langdon, Birk And "The Lost Symbol" - What Bond Of Cosmic Sychronicity Ties Them All Together??

Dear Pals,

I hate to ruin a great tease...but it's almost too eerie!

Check out page 167 in Dan Brown's new best seller The Lost Symbol - it's the third in his trilogy of The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons.

Once again, the Birkster is ahead of the curve.

Check it out...then enter the correct portal on the ORCA website. Choose wisely, Grasshopper.

Oooooogahboooogah!!!...and it's isn't even Halloween yet!

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob Of One

PS: It's all connected...and "What Is Lost...Will Be Found."

Buy Now! Act Today! Don't Delay! Don't Miss This Once-In-A-Lifetime Opportunity! Buy Barack Obama AS SEEN ON TV!!! P.T. Barnum Said It Best! And What Happened To The Obama Chia Pet???

Dear Pals,

P.T. Barnum said, "Nobody ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American Public."

OOPS! My pal the man with an encyclopedic-mind-on-steriods, Kevin W. corrected me: It was H.L. Mencken writing about P.T. Barnum when he was a journalist for The Baltimore Sun.
-K

Thanks KW!!

Ol' P.T. hit the nail on the head. And, politicians everywhere took note. No one knows this better than President/Brand Barack H. Obama and his marketing-media minion David Axholerod.

But, with each passing day, more and more people are awakening from Axholerod's Hypnotic trance.

Ever heard the saying, "Nero fiddled while Rome burned"?

Well something's burning and I think "it's what Barack's cooking!"

Or, maybe it's just the cooked books over at The Fed and Treasury or at Goldman Sachs?

But, wait...maybe I'm being to harsh and stoic.

Let's look at the achievements of our Nobel Prize winning and world inspiring new President:

1) Unemployment is still rising --- and under-employment is here too in a BIG way

2) The US dollar spirals downward in value

3) Knuckleheads with knukes flip the USA and the world the bird with impunity

4) Obama "dithers" over his Generals' request for more troops in Afghanistan

5) A Trillion has been squandered on "hoop dreams" and "shovel ready projects"

6) Wall Street and bank bailouts have not trickled down to Main Street

7) A healthcare debacle of epic proportions looms

8) The Gitmo goofballs are coming here

9) The Chicago Olympics deal did not get sold

10) States are awash in Red Ink from declining tax revenues

11) The small business embattled job-creators and employers are being hammered by the triple-whammy of tight (non-existant) credit and higher taxes and SOON new healthcare mandates.

But there is hope.

And there is even change I can believe in.

People in every city, town and hamlet are waking up every morning with a REALITY CHECK in the form of an ice-cold USMC Field Shower and dry shave. America is having a HUGE case of Buyer's Remorse.

The Barack Obama brand AS SEEN ON TV is Not As Advertised, it is NOT delivering as promised.

But, to be truthful, assault and batteries on freedom and liberty are included.

The brand Barack Obama is the most heavily-advertised product on TV...he's on 24/7/365 - even on FOX, much to his dismay.

Axholerod Is Still Controlling The Message And Driving It Home With Relentless Vigor.

 If you don't believe me, just tune in to your local affiliate on any Obama Network - NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN and MSNBC.

And don't miss the newsmakers show "In The Tank" every Sunday (formerly called Meet The Press)

The more brand Obama is out there the better I like it.

Why??

Because NOTHING WILL KILL A BAD, GROSSLY DISAPPOINTING PRODUCT FASTER than great marketing.

So I say, "Go Axholerod go!"

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen Of The Republic, a Mob Of One

PS: Have you seen the Internet Police Photo Album that's going around? It's very enlightening...because all of the people in the criminal mug-shot line-ups - from cities all across America - are all wearing different types of Obama T-Shirts.

What's that suggest?

Well, obviously the Obama T-Shirts have been much more commercially successful than the Obama Chia-Pet which has mysteriously vanished from store shelves and the Internet.

If anyone has an Obama Chia-Pet in an unopened box, hang on to it - because you'll be able to sell it for $1,000,000.00 on eBay in a 2012. Unfortunately, $1,000,000.00 in 2012 will be worth 2 Chinese Yuangs.

As the late Henny Youngman might say, "Take my President...please."

 

Mass Hypnosis: The Secret Of Obama's Success, And How Mass Awakening Will Vanquish Him.

Dear Pals,

Hypnosis is suggestion accepted as reality.

That's it in a nutshell.

"You are getting sleepy...very sleepy. Your eyes are as heavy as lead...you are going deeper and deeper into a very very deep sleep..."

I have been told that my blogs have that affect (or is it, effect?) on many.

Well, candidate Obama and now President Obama succeeded in hypnotizing a large portion of the American population. Enough to get him elected along with OTHER like-minded people in the House and Senate.

How did it work?

1) By giving potential voting segments suggestions that they would accept

2) Then, building on their acceptance of his suggestions, he promised...

3) Solutions that will immediately benefit them and their families...and all America ($1000.00 cash stimulus anyone? Hey let's buy GM and Chrysler and stimulate those "shovel-ready" jobs to the tune of a Trillion! )

4) All you have to do is elect me

5) And accept my policies and plans

6) If we do that, we will transform America now...but we'll have to move fast, because (white male) American capitalists (IE: war-profiteering, minority and women and union labor-exploiting Republican business owners)

That's all it took...

Hypnosis suggestion accepted.

And, a suggestion once accepted gives The Great Suggestor control over the minds and wills of the Unthinking Suggestion Acceptors - otherwise known as The Hypnotized American.

Here's an example:

Imbedded belief 1: You and your family before you have been the recipients of great social injustice. You have been disadvantaged, held back and held down. America is run by (white male) capitalists and they have ruthlessly amassed wealth by exploiting minorities and women - who they pay less than white men doing the same work.

You have been victimized.

Imbedded truth: Slavery was evil. Minorities and women have been exploited for their labor.

Leading Conclusion 1: You have been victimized and robbed..

Finding a class of culprits to blame (The Nazis demonized the Jews and the Russians the Kulaks)

Let's blame: (White male) American capitalists...look what they have done to you and your family and to women and to union laborers. 

Leading Conclusion 2: You have been victimized and robbed and (white male) American capitalists are to blame.

Imbedded Belief 2, Justice is fair and good:  All people are entitled to justice, where you get what you deserve. The wealth robbed from you and your family's labor by (white male) American capitalists was unjustly and unfairly taken.

Emotionally-Charged Suggestions:

Your family deserves a wonderful home - is $250,000 too much to ask, given as long and as hard as you work??

You deserve a $3500.00 mortgage relief credit -it's not your fault you can't pay your bills, the man (white male capitalist) doesn't pay you enough...BUT he pays HUGE bonuses, that he doesn't deserve, to himself.

You deserve high quality healthcare and it should be low cost and available to all.

You deserve $4500 for that clunker you drive...

You deserve a new union-made American GM or Chrysler car

The Big Set Up Question: Is simple social justice to much to hope for??? Hasn't simple social justice been denied long enough?

The Accepting Minds are now primed and their emotions (hope) have been energized to accept The Hypnotic Suggestion from the Great Suggestor.

The Hypnotic Message: I, Barack Obama, am just like you, just look at my face...my skin color isn't like the Presidents on our paper money...I get it. I am the one and the ONLY one, who can make your hopes become reality...but I need you to step up and stand with me.

This isn't about me...it's about all of us.

The Hypnotic Suggestion: Here it comes...elect me and together we will change America now.

We will fundamentally transform it and you and your family will get all that you deserve and are entitled to...and the (white male) American capitalists, who exploited all the minorities and women and union laborers will be made to pay.

There will be no new taxes on the "middle class" - only the wealthiest (white male capitalist) Americans will pay - actually they will just repay what they have robbed from you and your family, and then some!

The Hypnotic Reaction: Yes we can!

This is OUR time.

This is OUR turn!

Elect me and let's move America forward.

Let everyone rejoice!

Let the school children sing!

Barack Hussein Obama...mmm...mmm...mmm

_______________________

So, the trap was set and sprung.

The messenger Barack Obama became the physical embodiment of The Hypnotic Message.

The attractive, articulate, affable, smiling, passionate, young and well-educated mixed-racial Great Suggestor, known as Barack Hussein Obama, stepped forward as the freshly-packaged solution to what ails America...and, to the larger world that was alientated by decades of American exploitation, intervention, intolerance and injustice, he became Apoligist-In-Chief. After all, as long as he's transforming America...why not transform the world too?

The media and the message and the messenger merged into a powerful Hypnotic force.

I hate to admit this!

But, David Axholerod and I both practice the same craft.

We are salesmen. Marketing guys. Hucksters. Hypemeiesters. We know how to read research. We know how to "position" and "brand" products for sale. We know how to craft messages that will cause people to buy things. Cars. Jewelry. Food. Whiskey. Champagne. Banks. Bar-B-Que Sauce...even people and opinions...like Brand Barack H.Obama.

Axholerod (and yours truly) both know that the Human Brain Cannot Be Rewired...I used to teach this to my classes of capitalists at Enterprise University.

Only at EU the capitalists I saw included women, minorities, women minorities, new business starters, 2nd. and in some cases, 3rd. generation business owners. They didn't look like culprits to me...they were risk takers, job creators and folks who were willing to do the hard work it took to be successful.

I loved teaching these folks...and in all modesty, my courses Marketing Strategy I and II were the best attended by actual enrollment count and I consistently earned the top #1 rating in attendee surveys.

BUT, I digress!!! 

Axholerod and I also know, that if we know and understand the Imbedded Beliefs In The Human Brain, we can plug a well-crafted hypnotic suggestion into those beliefs to get the outcome we desire.

All it takes now to make the SALE is the selection and deployment of the right creative mix:

1) An appealing and attractive and "clean sexy" spokesman/On-Camera Talent - Barack is cool...sigh and isn't he kinda exotically sexy in way that many women find almost irressitable?

2) Deliver an easy-to-understand resonating message that will be accepted - Barack smiles and people want to like him and believe in him. ( He makes "slick Willy" and "Tricky Dick" look like doofuses...what chance did torture-maimed-McCain really have? )

3) Backed up with a sufficient amount of money to buy a tsunami wave of media reach and frequency in an exposure pattern to drive the message home...over and over with single-minded repetition.

4) Deployed against the target audiences (Including: "victimized" minorities/women/guilt-ridden white liberals/social activists/progressive socialists/hardcore ideological liberals/compassionate moderates/single-issue independents (E: anti-war/anti-Bush/Al Gore Greenies)...and, God Bless 'em, those kind-hearted older people, who feel "guilty for being white and fortunate" or for the plight and the suffering among us.

That is an winning recipe to sell Fresh New Obama Juice - fortified with Hope and Change!

That is how Obama Hypnotized America en masse.

Of course, having ACORN out there helping "get out the vote" didn't hurt his chances either. It's all about distribution and in this case, re-distribution of wealth from the culprit class to the entitled and deserving exploited class.

This is Obama's plan to "bring America together."

"Say Amen Brother!!" - Rev. Jeremiah Jackson

Hypnotic Reinforcement Message: People who oppose Obama are angry mobs (of white male and female capitalists). They want to hold us back and keep us down...and out.

Don't listen to them. Don't listen to Rush Limbaugh. Don't watch FOX News, don't listen to the US Chamber of Commerce, don't listen to the Office Of Budget and Management. Don't listen to those "teabaggers." Don't listen to the angry Nazi mobs of old white men and women at the town hall meetings.

They are not real Americans tuned into what we need to do...they are yesterday...and we are now and tomorrow.

Let's hear the mantra!!!

Yes we can! Barack Hussein Obama mmm...mmm...mmm...mmm

There is no stopping us now.

Not even tax cheats like Tim Geithner, Tom Daschle, Charlie Rangle or fools like Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Mark Murtha...or even Joe "The Scrappy Kid From Scranton PA" Biden can slow us down.

I am The Dream come true!

I am a Nobel Prize Winner!

I am the President!

I am Barack Hussein Obama..."look on my work ye mighty and behold!"

(Please see my archived blog on Ozymandias, King of Kings,  if you need a point of reference on that quote.)

______________

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic and a Mob of One

PS: Tune in tomorrow when I'll tell you how America can wake up from and pemanently break Obama's Hypnotic Spell.

The Working Title is: Barack Obama AS SEEN ON TV!!! 24/7/365.

The Theme is: Not As Advertised, but assault and batteries on freedom and liberty are included.

The Sub Theme is: Controlling The Message - Tune in to your local affiliate on the Obama Network - NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN and MSNBC. And don't miss the show "In The Tank" every Sunday (formerly called Meet The Press)

FYI: The only equipment you'll need to bring to the blog tomorrow is a logically-functioning brain.

FCC INTERNET REGULATORY NOTICE: This blogger does not consume or endorse the use of the alcoholic beverage brand: Hypnotique. Nor should the use of the word Hypnotic contained herein be construed as a veiled phoentic sound-alike reference to the afore-mentioned alcoholic brand in an attempt to encourage awareness, trial and use of Hypnotique. This blogger has received no financial compensation or remuneration of any kind from the makers of Hypnotique.

PERSONAL NOTE: Nor do I drink halleucinegetic OJ (Obama Juice) because of its potentially harmful secret ingredient: BS-4U.

 

 

 

 

SFX: TRUMPET FANFARE - Introducing "Strictly Off The Record: Birk's Secret Dinner With VIPs" Series. Stimulating Simulated Facious Off The Record Encounters With Newsmakers From The Past, Present And Future!

Dear Pals,

With a tip of the Birk hat to my idol, the late great Steve Allen and his classic Meeting Of The Minds series, I'm introducing a new allegorical series of Birk Blogs built on the cockamamie premise that people of real consequence and importance would actually sit down with me mano-y-mano-y-chimp in a free-wheelin', no-holds-barred, anything goes conversation - where I get to ask the questions and they have to answer them truthfully.

To be sure this works, each participant will be given a dose of Truth Serum (Jack Daniel's Old No. 7) prior to the interview to loosen their lips.

Today's inaugural guest in the "Strictly Off The Record: Birk's Secret Dinner With VIPs" Series is former Vice President of the United States of America, Dick Cheney.

THE SCENE:

I arrived about 10-minutes early and was seated in a quiet corner booth in the restaurant before Vice President Cheney was scheduled to arrive. I took the liberty of ordering dinner for both of us since I knew he was on a very tight schedule.

At precisely 2:30 am, the former Vice President entered by the side door and made his way to our secluded booth.

BIRK: Thanks for coming Mr. Vice President...

DC: Call me Dick, everybody does. And, how could I turn down such a gracious invitation...especially to this place?

BIRK: I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of ordering...

DC: No problemo, I love everything here...whaddya order?

BIRK: I got us 36 double cheeseburgers, 2 orders of fries and 2 orders of onion rings and 2 large Diet Cokes.

DC: Perfect, I quit drinking Diet Pepsi because the effen logo reminded me of...well, forget it. But, ixnay on the locationay because Lynn would kick my ass if she knew I was eating at Castilleo Blanco.

BIRK: Castilleo Blanco?

DC: Yeah, it's Mexicano for White Castle, comprende amigo?

BIRK: Oh I see...

DC: I'm brushing up on my Espanole since the US-Mexican border is leaking like a sieve and half the people in Montana are named Pancho these days.

Let's get started...whaddya wanna know?

BIRK: Let's jump right in, what did you mean when you said that President Obama should stop "dithering" on Afghanistan?

DC: Dithering is a great word...no bloviating here.

I meant that President Obama should get his "wish-washy-have-it-both-ways-politically-correct-ass" off the fence and send in the troops that General McChrystal asked for and that General Petreus supports. The Generals know how to fight and win. Give 'em the troops they need and let them do their job. President Obama needs to grow a set of cahones...that's another Mexicano word I like to use.

BIRK: But Joe Biden and John Kerry are telling the President to slow down and wait until the Afghan elections are settled. What about that?

DC: Hahahaha...Joe Biden and John Kerry...now there's a pair of jokers. Two real patriots. Two real bonafide military geniuses. Joe Biden, I believe graduated from East Point and I think Kerry is an alum of the Heir Farce Academy.

BIRK: I think your jesting...

DC: I'm trying to restrain my desire to launch a technicolor cheeseburger yawn across the table. I don't know how Secretary Gates can sit there and listen to those two. Frankly, I wouldn't trust either one of them to go out and successfully return with a zesty cheese burrito.

BIRK: What's your opinion of President Obama?

DC: He is the President of the United States...and since he sits in that office, I must hold him in the lowest of high esteem.

BIRK: On a scale of 1 to 10 how good a job do you think he's doing?

DC: I'd rather not get into numerical ratings...let's just say, I hope he stays very healthy and finishes his first and last and only term as soon as possible because the people in the "on deck circle" really scare the bat guano out of me.

BIRK: You mean Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi?

DC: Look Birky, I never plugged my hair or shot my face full of botox...so those two creepy gargoyles really scare me.

BIRK: But you did plug your hunting partner and you did shoot buckshot in his face.

DC: Touche! That's a French word that means, "You got me there wrangler."

BIRK: You seem like a nice guy...why do so many people hate you?

DC: Well, it probably is because I am the devil incarnate...hahaha...wanna see the 666 on my butt?

BIRK: Right out of Rosemary's Baby, eh?

DC: I actually wanted to name the company that I once ran, Hellsaburnin...but, the Board told me that Halliburton was as close as we should come. Hahaha...

BIRK: C'mon be serious..why do people hate you?

DC: Well some people don't like to hear the truth. They're a lot of folks who'd rather have President Obama blow smoke up their ACORN-loving asses and read 'em a financial fairy tale and hand 'em a check for $1000.00.

They don't like to face facts or make tough descisions...they want to keep their heads in the sand and get 3-hots and a cot and leave the dirty work and heavy lifting to others.

Look, we're locked in a life and death struggle with some really bad hombres who want to kill you, me and our families and every American they can...why? Because of some 11th century belief system.

The problem is, they have plenty of petro-dollars and 21st century weapons and thousands of brain-washed nothing-to-live-for-losers who are willing to blow themselves to flinders to get 72 virgins.

Comprende?

BIRK: Si.

DC: Si...see you're catching on, Mexicano isn't too hard to learn.

BIRK: You mentioned petro-dollars, what do you think about drilling for oil here in the USA and what about the new green energy intiatives?

DC: I'd drill on my head if I thought there was oil there.

Look, we've got plenty of oil in the ANWAR and off shore, but the willy-nilly science-silly Algorian globalwarming goofballs won't let us drill there because of the effen polar bears.

We're ass-deep in polar bears, look it up...polar bear population is on the rise...now there's an inconvenient truth, if ever there was one.

Here's an oil fact that will startle many...

The earth makes oil...it's a hydro-carbon, ferchrissake.

How do you think 800 million barrels of oil got down 2500-5000 feet under the ground below Saudia Arabia??

Did all the dinosaurs in the world take an escalator down there and die en masse?

Or, did somebody just forget to dust?

Fact is the earth makes oil...and it has for millions and millions of years. And as far as I know, Mother Nature did not send anyone a note that said, "I ain't makin' no mo oil."

BIRK: What about green power?

DC: I'm like John Kerry...I love green power.

I love to see that wily old oilman, Boone Pickens planting those 500-ft whirly gigs all over the fruited plains.

They are beautiful...I wish they'd paint 'em like those pinwheels I had when I was a lad. Then, they'd even be more beautiful. 

What I don't understand is how they are beautiful, wonderful and green in west Texas...but ugly and undesireable off Old Cape Cod?

Ohhhh...wait a minute...John Heinz Kerry has a summer home on Old Cape Cod, and the Kennedy compound is there too...and George Bush lives in Crawford,Texas.

I get it now.

It's the difference between walkin' the walk and talkin' the talk.

BIRK: So you think John Kerry is a hypocrite.

DC: Please, don't insult hypocites by comparing Kerry to them.

BIRK: How would you deal with Iran?

DC: First of all, I would have praised the brave people who were getting killed in the streets by their thugocracy.

BIRK: So you think President Obama should have spoken up sooner and stronger?

DC: Si

BIRK: Care to elaborate?

DC: Si Si

BIRK: If Iran doesn't respond and stop making fissile material for nuclear weapons, should we employ sanctions and if so, what kind?

DC: Ever see the movie The Eiger Sanction?

BIRK: You mean...

DC: Si si senor.

BIRK: Wow...that's radical?

DC: No, radical is sitting on our hands while some low life anal apertures get ready to blow up our cities, Israel and the entire Mideast.

BIRK: Let's switch gears...what lessons have the American people learned from the Obama jobs stimulus?

DC: Well , we know for sure that Lewis Black knows more about creating jobs than our inspiring President. I mean, look, Lewis Black created more jobs all by himself.

BIRK: Really??

DC: Right...did you know that Lewis Black has his own personal ball washer.

BIRK: Hmmmm...

DC: Think about it...

BIRK: What will it take to turn the US economy around?

DC: Stop meddling in business.

Stop printing fiat currency?

Stop running up TRILLION dollar deficts.

Stop effen around with Healthcare!

Stop lending money to people who can't afford houses?

Cut taxes across the board by 50%...put the money back in the hands of people and let them decide what needs to be done.

I trust the American people...and finally, let me and Sara Palin take Barney Frank, Charlie Rangle, Chris Dodd, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer bear hunting in the Klondike.

Hahahaha...

BIRK: Sounds like fun...do you think the Democrats would enjoy it?

DC: Well, I'd certainly give it my best shot to see that they have a good time!

BIRK: Speaking of good times, how were the Hijinks at The Bohemian Grove this year? Were all the Illuminati reveling by torchlight around the big Owl?

DC: Let's just say that all "The Boys" up Guerneville and Rio Nido way all missed you Birky...but, if I say any more, I'll have to have you "sanctioned."

BIRK: Gotcha, Dick...any last thing you'd like to say?

DC: Yeah, tell the American people to trust their intuition, their gut feelings and their own thought processes. Don't lose their sense of humor or desire to succeed and prosper. And, tell 'e turn out in droves in every election at every level.

Vote the morons out!!

The American People...the ones who really work hard, create jobs and truly love liberty can solve any problem...but you can't sit on the sidelines...you've got to get in the game.

If you think President Obama is on the right track...well, keep on voting him and the looney liberal Democrats in...that's your prerogative.

But when you're holed up at home in the blackout, eating Fancy Feast and afraid to go to the mall because some whacked out religious buttwad terrorist from the Middle East might pop you and your grandson...or if you end up shooting some illegal gang morons in your driveway...please don't call me.

I've rung the warning bell!

I'll be up in Big Sky Montana sighting-in any varmints and polecats that are stupid enough to ride up the 'ol Cheney trail.

Hasta las vista mi amigos y amigas!

Via con Dios!

BIRK: Thanks for joining me in Strictly Off The Record: Birk's Secret Dinner With Former Vice President Dick Cheney.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: Please suggest a guest...just let me know who you'd like me to sit down with mano y mano y chimp.

My next guest will be cigar officiando and former United States President William Jefferson Clinton.

Stay tuned!

See you in the Gulag!!