The Wise Buddha-hahahaha

President Obama, The Master Of Political Stagecraft, Rejects The Four Options Presented By His "War Council." Maybe He Has Analysis Paralysis...Or He Wants The 5th. Option.

Dear Pals,

On October 29, 2009, I (The Stupid Schmoo in the Midwest) asked a question in the Blog Headline below:

Mr. Have-It-Both-Ways, The Great Vacillator, The Dithering Equivocator Or The Prudent, Thoughtful Deliberate Genius: Who Is President Barack Obama?

Then, on October 30, 2009, I laid out in point-by-point clarity what I thought President Obama would do about Afghanistan.

Please revisit that earlier blog in the Archives for context.

____________________________________

For our inspiring new President, it must be nice to be the smartest guy in the room, the country and the world.

Is there a Nobel Prize for leaving our troops swinging in the wind?

Generals McChrystal and Petreus asked for the 40,000 troops in AUGUST!

Now it seems President Obama has to dart off to Asia for his next big photo-Op...and to have a private tete-a-tete side meeting with the President of Indonesia - perhaps to fondly reminisce about his boyhood days when he was attending a Mulsim school there.

Go to this story at the Chicago Sun Times...where he slips up and talks about his "Muslim faith."

www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/1150540,CST-NWS-faith08.article

I don't make this stuff up.

Now, to announce his decision to delay deciding on the troop request by his top field commander and General Petreus on Veteran's Day is either A) the worst timing in the world by a PR-challeged President, B) a completely ironic coincidence C) a message to the U.S. Military about his true care and concern for them.

The next liberal loon who says one word to me about President Bush going to Crawford, Texas on vacation during wartime is, as we used to say down on South Spring Avenue..."cruisin' for a bruisin'.

Isn't it funny how the President is in such a hurry to seize the Healthcare sector of the U.S. Economy - and how quickly he could decide to support the 1997-page $1.2 Trillion dollar HR bill that NO ONE HAD READ before it passed, but he can't seem to make a decision about his own hand-picked General's troop requests after 8-major meetings and exhaustive analysis.

He rejected all 4-options put before him by his own hand-picked civilian advisors and top U.S. military professionals. Do you think they didn't do a thorough job?

I wonder what Generals Eisenhower, McArthur, Bradley and Patton would say to President Obama if they were sitting in the room with the "War Council.'

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: When you check the blog of October 30, 2009, you'll see my prediction on how this will play out. I should have titled it The 5th Option.

If I'm wrong, I'll eat a pressed-pork McRib from an "unclean swine."

Why Is Life So Weird? Or Is It Just Me? Pass The Chartreuse And Let The "Truth Serum" Flow!

Dear Pals,

First of all, Happy 234th. Anniversary to the U.S.M.C.!

Semper Fi!

____________________________

Does the world today seem completely upside down and/or off track to you?

Or is it just me? Maybe I'm just out of sync with the new reality. 

It seems like everyday I'm astounded by some new development in this "Giddy-up-Whoa!" world.

It's like the lyrics from the old songs, "First you say you do and then you don't. Then you say you will and then you won't," or "You say TOMato and I say toMAHto...let's call the whole thing off."

Am I the weird one?

Or, the wired one?

Could my life be just one big cosmic typo?

Did I step unawares through a time portal into a bizarre parallel universe?

Maybe World War Z isn't a novel after all.

Maybe Max Brooks is really onto something in his Oral History Of The Zombie War. 

Or, maybe it's just an odd feeling that Lady Sychronicity has pulled me down a bewildering rabbit hole and I've tumbled out into a Brave New American World where up is down, in is out and the inmates really are running the asylum.

Before I join the "American Boat People" who are rowing to Cuba for safety and escape from the walking dead...please feel free to weigh in on this topic.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic and a Mob of One

PS:  I think I hear the "High Lonesome" of the Wasatch calling me.

I'm beginning to understand the attraction of silence and solitude and why the Mountain Men of yore preferred the clean crisp air of the high Sierras to the confusing and confused company of citified men and women in flatland society.

As much as I love the romantic notion of following James Taylor's suggestion to "Slap leather and head for the line of trees," I'm not the Marlboro Man and I'd probably be The Big Birk on the McGrizzley menu by dark.

So is there another option to enduring the Le Monde Circque de Jour?

Hmmm...maybe I'll shave my head and join the Carthusian Monks near Grenoble and devote my remaining days to making Chartreuse and sampling it. Even I can gather and distill mountain herbs!

Chartreuse is truly something very special...especially the green variety. With a glass or two, I could take a mind-freeing trip to the outer fringes of the galaxy without ever leaving my cell in the monastery.

After all, if you're not free in your mind...where indeed are you free?

Now there's a question worth pondering.

Will President Obama Confirm The Presence of Extraterrestrial Vistors Living Among Us By Thanksgiving or Christmas? Check This Out!

Dear Pals,

Check out the Stephen Bassett story on Coast-To-Coast...

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/

My Pal George Noory had a great interview with him last night on ET Disclosure.

It seems the global UFO world is all abuzz about the prospects of President Obama making an unprecedented announcement sometime very soon, like between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

What's the news?

We are not alone.

But don't worry, extra-terrestrials have been in contact with the human race for a long long long long time...but, mankind wasn't "emotionally or intellectually" ready to handle the news.

In recent months, governments as diverse as England, Russia, France and Brazil have released news of alien visitations and well-documented encounters.

Now, President Obama is going to announce the news that the United States government has direct contact with folks from elsewhere and has for sometime.

Check out the interview it's fascinating.

How would this news affect your worldview and belief systems?

What if it's true?

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: If true, this could explain the mysteries of the Great Pyramids, the monoliths on Easter Island, Stonehenge, the legend of Atlantis, midwest crop circles and Nancy Pelosi.

Maybe these obviously advanced-civilizations will be able to cure cancer, diabetes, heart disease and get the 12:00 to stop blinking on my old (but still plugged in ) VCR.

Or maybe, they'll have us for lunch.

OOOOOOgahboooogah...gotta love Coast To Coast with George Noory!!

Is President Obama The Master Of Political Stagecraft? And The Greatest Writer Since Julius Caesar? It's All Theater You Know...Shakespeare Had That Right!

Dear Pals,

Whenever I get my "tingly-feeling" things don't add up.

Like right now. Tell me if I'm wrong.

Am I mis-reading the tea leaves or just becoming a complete cynic?

I can handle the truth. It's the fiction that that troubles me.

The Commander In Chief - President Barack H. Obama and his image-making minions (Emmanuel, Axholerod and Gibbs) know how to use images to shape and influence public opinion. Something I know a little bit about as well.

Last week there were 2 striking - never-before-seen Obama images that are all over the TUBE.

Image One was him speaking in front of a sea of white-uniformed USN personnel at Pensacola. Where he promised never to send troops into harm's way without careful deliberation and, if he did send them, he would support them to the hilt.

Image Two was him saluting the honored dead coming home from Afghanistan as the caskets of fallen heroes were returned to US soil at Dover, Delaware.

It was an impressive image. The President of the United States standing straight and erect and holding a sharp and crisp military salute as the flag-draped caskets passed by.

My initial reaction was good, but then I got that eerie intuitive tingly-feeling that things didn't add up.

For some reason out of the blue, the Beatle's lyrics to Lovely Rita wafted through my alleged mind:

"In a cap she looked much older,
And the bag across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a military man." 

The tingly-feeling turned to a chill...I hoped it wasn't a chill of the cynical-paranoid variety.

Then my left-brain kicked in and said, "Look, President Obama is one cool and calculating cat, he plans every move, orchestrates every image, weighs every word, knows how and when to flash a winning smile and when to use self-deprecating humor."

Hmmm...so why was he first at Pensacola and then in rapid succession at Dover?  Everyone knew he was going to Pensacola, but his visit to Dover was an unannounced "surprise."

Thank God the cameras were there to catch the moment.

It all looks too stagecrafted to me.

But to what end? 

Potential Answer One: He was there with the purist of intentions and noblest of motives to reassure, inspire, support and honor our military and the honored dead who have fallen in the service of the Nation.

I truly hope that this is what his personal appearances were all about.

Potential Answer Two: It was just unadulterated calculated stagecraft. Obama, "The Man of Peace" (ratified by his recent Nobel Peace Price award) thoughtfully weighing the human cost of war (which he inherited from bungling President George Bush) before he (the reluctant warrior) makes a crucial decision to send troops in to harm's way (to approve or deny or modify his hand-picked General McChrystal's request for 40,000 addtional troops).

Potential Answer Three: Set up his ability to accept the Nobel Peace Prize while US Troops and UN/Nato Troops are still fighting.

Hmmm...

This all might have played pretty well except for the annoying fact that committed terrorists and Taliban scum were busy blowing up shopping bazaars and attacking UN guest houses and generally, carrying on their bloody butcher business as usual.

In the administration today, ironically, it seems like Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is the ONLY person who gets the big picture. She's chiding Pakistan to get off it's patooni and start cleaning up the safe-haven areas along the Pakistani-Afghan border.

__________

CLARIFICATION NOTE: Everyone who knows me can attest to the non-fact that I have long been a supporter and admirer of Ms. Clinton.

___________

Vice President Joe Biden, Senator/General/Ambassador-At-Small John Heinz Kerry and others are the "Thomases" doubting General McChrystal. They don't want to "go to far to fast."

What do they want? A slow, distant and protracted war??

So, what's the outcome going to be?

I'm betting that President Obama is calculating the decision very very very very carefully. I'm putting my money on this sequence of events.

1. The new Afghan elections don't go well. Even if a new President comes in it's still the same stinking toilet with a different terri-cloth seat-cover and a spritz of orange air-freshener.

2. That gives President Obama the opening to say, "The Afghan people and the UN need to solve the problem. The US will still help, of course, but the insurgent attacks on UN and civilian targets dramatically show that this is a world-issue not a US-only issue.

3. So I'm only going to send 20,000 troops to Afghanistan on a clearly defined mission with a prescise timetable.

4. We will secure the cities and free-up the Afghan army and police to fight the Taliban in the countryside because the people know them and they know the people and the terrain.

5. We will also collaborate with the Pakistani government to fight the insurgents hiding there, but we will only support the Pakistani army with intelligence, drone Predators and satelite survellience to track, find, pinpoint and target high priority targets.

6. We will begin drawing down US troops at a rate of 10,000 a month in January 2010 and will leave only enough US troops there to constitute NO MORE THAN 15% of the entire UN force in the region by October 2010.

This is a war of neccessity, but it is not exclusively America's war...it is a UN war. We'll do our part, but the nations of the world need to step up with men and material to defeat this Taliban-Al Quaida-Terrorist threat to world peace.

Our burdens at home require America to share this burden abroad."

_____________________________

That's the way I'd write it...

That would enable our inspiring new President to wink at his base as he collects a Nobel Peace Prize medal in Oslo. He'll be humble, smile and pick up the $1.4 mil and exit stage left to return home to fundamentally transform America.

Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too?

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic and a Mob Of One

PS: There is only one fly in the ointment. France, Germany, Great Britain, Canada, Norway, and Spain, will not step up to solve the problem because they have neither the capital or the political will. Too many Moslems live among them and getting really tough with Al Quida and the Taliban could cause big trouble within their own borders.

China and Russia won't help...so it falls the Poles, Czechs and Turks...but, they're not real happy since Obama pulled their Missile Defense Shield to palcate Putin.

And that leaves the Italians...well, si amore they're lovers...not fighters. Maybe the Iranians, Saudis could help...pass the hashish hookah, willya?

At the end of the day, President Obama can say, "Hey I tried. But the world didn't step up. But at least I brought our troops home with honor." (Just in time to vote, for guess who?)

Hmmmmm...

But, what do I know...I'm just a schmoo in the Midwest.

 

 

 

Best Selling Author Dan Brown, Professor Robert Langdon, Birk And "The Lost Symbol" - What Bond Of Cosmic Sychronicity Ties Them All Together??

Dear Pals,

I hate to ruin a great tease...but it's almost too eerie!

Check out page 167 in Dan Brown's new best seller The Lost Symbol - it's the third in his trilogy of The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons.

Once again, the Birkster is ahead of the curve.

Check it out...then enter the correct portal on the ORCA website. Choose wisely, Grasshopper.

Oooooogahboooogah!!!...and it's isn't even Halloween yet!

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob Of One

PS: It's all connected...and "What Is Lost...Will Be Found."

Which Came First? The Chicken Or The Egg? And Who Do You Believe? Dick Cheney? Or Rahm Emmanuel And David Axholerod? Here's The Answer!!

Dear Pals,

 

This came from my pal "Madman McKay" (aka M3 or Mike L) - he actually got it from our Pal McH...it made today's blog easy and light-hearted. So I'm passing it on to you.

 

But first, just two serious questions:

 

What and who do you believe?

 

Dick Cheney or the whiz kids, Rahm Emmanuel and David Axholerod, when it comes to the version of what the Bush Administration handed over to the incoming Obama transition team regarding the Afghanistan situational assessment?

 

And, who do you trust?

General Petreus and General McChrystal? Or General Joe Biden and General/Ambassador/John Kerry?

 

Chime in on this, please!

 

_________________________

 

And now for a beautiful story from Mike L...aka "Madman McKay!"

 

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called “pullets,” and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

 Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

 John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

 To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

 John was so proud of old Butch; he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him The Pullet Surprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention!

 Vote carefully next year; the bells are not always audible.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, A Mob of One

PS: If Obama keeps sending Joe Biden and John Kerry around the world to do Hillary's job as Secretary Of State, it will hasten her departure as I predicted. Just watch....

 

 

 

 

 

Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex. Why Is It So Darn Popular And Problematic? Birk Plows In Where Angels Fear To Tread. Brace Yourself, Maureen!

Dear Pals,

I was watching the news reports on the Gay/Lesbian/Transgender march in Washington this past weekend and it got me to thinking about Sex and its various mutations and manifestations throughout the ages. It truly is a topic you can sink your teeth into.

Be warned: This is going to get pretty deep pretty quick, so you might want to put on your waders.

Sex...what's it all about Alfie?

There have been tens of thousands of learned volumes, instructional tributes and trashy books and medical, philosophical and erotic poems and articles written on this fascinating topic.

Sex is all around us. And, it has always been thus.

Sex is on the cover of every checkout lane tabloid, it's a click away on 20 kajillion porn sites and pay-per-view TV channels and it's hard-wired, mechanically plumbed into our body and soft-wired into our brain and nervous system. Sex is accessible 24/7/365 no matter where we are are, who we are with or what we're doing.

Sex has a yin and yang to it. On the positive side, its been used as an incentive, a bargaining chip, a reward and on the negative side as punishment and retribution.

Sex has probably been the world's greatest reliever of physical stress, source of joy and pleasure and greatest cause of emotional and interpersonal stress. It is as prickly as a porcupine. It has entangled Presidents, Prime Ministers, Popes and peons.

Sex has been glorified on ancient temple walls and cities have been reportedly erased from the face of the planet in a cloud of fire and brimstone because of sexual perversion and wanton excessess. The Pharoah Ramses II, who had scores of wives and fathered more than 70 children has ironically had a condom brand named after him.

Does that strike you as odd?

Sex views, perspectives and mores have always varied from culture to culture and age to age. Witness the harems of the Ottoman Empire and the concubines of the Chinese Emporer in the Forbidden City and the brothels of Virginia City, the Roman Baths and The Coral Courts on Route 66.

Contrary to popular belief, it was not Helen of Troy's face that launched a thousand ships. It was actually another three of Helen's legendary body parts. From time in memorium sex has inspired epic sagas, millions of jokes, limmericks and even Canterbury Tales.

It even made it's way into earth sciences. The topless natives that I enjoyed "studying" as a boy in old issues of National Geographic have all but vanished in real life, thanks to the work of earnest missionaries. And, in another burst of irony; the Kama Sutra, notwithstanding, the "Missionary Position" has been immortalized as the standard for male-female physical connectivity.

Sadly, bare-breasted women had all but disappeared from Post WWII mainstream drugstore magazine racks, at least until Hugh Hefner launched Playboy with Marilyn Monroe in 1953!

Have you ever noticed that whenever you bring up the topic of Sex in mixed company (IE: Men and Women) that voices become hushed, eyebrows raise, cheeks flush and nervous titters of subdued snickering can begin.

It elicts a wide range of reactions and it all gets rather confusing very quickly.

Let me see if I can shed a little light here.

God Himself dedicated 2 of the 10 commandments to sexual issues. In the thousands of years in pre-commandment times, Sex rules must have been left up to individual interpretation. But now in the post-Moses era, God has chalked the field.

Thou shalt not commit adultery. (What about teenagery? Or people who never grew up? There might be a loophole here.)

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

NOTE: Commandment 2 above is really easy to obey if your neighbor's wife weighs 275 lbs. Not a lot of coveting goin' on there.

Since 10-Commandment time, society and religion have even further defined the rules for human sexual behavior. Since I was raised as a guilt-ridden Catholic, I learned early on about the destructive potential of Sex. It was kind of like nitrogylcerine...if used outside the prescribed role of pro-creation within wedlock ( an interesting term) , you could shake things up to the point where you would blow yourself to flinders in mortal sin and end up roasting in Hell for all eternity plus 20 minutes.

That thought gave me this scary dream as a kid.

SCENE ONE: 23rd Level of Hell where the New Arrival joins a burned, blistered and tormented crew shoveling white hot coals:

New Arrival: Hi I'm Birk...

Hell Occupant One: What are you in for?

New Arrival: (Slightly embarrassed) Well, I had, ahem...well, ahh...in a ahhh...sex and ahhh...

Hell Occupant Two: Sex? Hahahahaha!

New Arrival: What's so funny? Who are you guys and what are you in for?

Hell Occupant One: I'm Adolf Hitler and this's Mao Tse Tung, Joe Stalin's on coffee break. Grab a shovel Pal and tell us how your sexcapades got you way down here...this oughta be good.

_________________________

Hmmmm...seems like sex can really get you in deep-do-do if you ascribe to the mortal sin = burn in Hell belief system.

But wait a minute...let's look a little closer at the types of sex.

CATEGORY ONE: MENTAL SEX

Fantasy Sex: the most raptuously pleasureable experience you can imagine with any human being past, present or future. 

Impromptu Mental Sex: the kind of sex you can envision having on the spur of the moment, or the drop of a hat, or in the blink of an eye with a beautiful person at the peak of their physical prowess. For men - a spectacular 20-year old female, for women a 20-year old Adonis.

Silver Screen Projection Sex: the kind of sex you have in your mind with a specific Big Screen Hollywood star or MTV vixen...Racquel Welch, Jennifer Aniston, Bo Derek, Madonna, Wally Cox or Rock Hudson...Hey, there's a lid for every pot!

Neighbor Sex: the kind of sex you have in your mind with the lady up the block who gardens in really tight short shorts and a halter top. Or, in the case of lady fantasizers, the well-tanned muscly guy who cuts the grass in his Speedo.

Office Sex: the kind of mental sex you have with any co-worker who "turns you on" - clear the desk! (I actually had an associate who walked in on a receptionist and an account executive enjoying sex on my antique cherry wood tailor's table. I heard about it the next day.)

Travel Sex: the kind of mental sex inspired by white sand beaches, blue waters, or by bearskin rugs and roaring fires in a chalet. Las Vegas, Aspen and Sandals has created a multi-billion dollar industry out of this imagery.

Forbidden Sex: akin to Fantasy Sex...but much naughtier, kinkier or preverse from the norms of the specific society. Pour the champagne, squirt the whipped cream, paint on the chocolate jello pudding and fire up Robbie The Robot.

The great thing about Mental Sex is it's all in your mind, so it's FREE and guilt free, unless of course you tell Fr. Murphy about those impure thoughts you've been having about Mary Jo, who lived behind Western Bowl...well, that's another story.

CATEGORY TWO: LIFE STAGE SEX

Pre-Teen Solo Sex: The personal discovery and experience of the "other use" of human plumbing. As comedian Lewis Black said, "I'll never forget the first time I had sex, there I was all alone!"

Teen Age Sex: Margaret Mead's coming of age in Samoa is a classic of exploratory innocence on this topic. Blue Lagoon, anyone? Brooke Shields inspired lots of scuba-diving!

Farm Sex: Kids that grow up around cows, pigs and horses get a bird's eye view of Nature in action. Down on the farm, a roll in the hay could result in a bun in the oven and a shotgun wedding...or an extended trip to visit Aunt Ethel in the city.

Drive-In Sex: That now by-gone era of back-seat, steamed up windows, hot-buttered unsalted popcorn sex and Rodan. DP...are you laughing?

Parent's Out Of Town Sex: A variation of Parents Are At Work sex...usually in the basement, rathskeller or girl's bedroom...but an attic or garage will do in a pinch

Pub Sex: The kind you have when Mr. Happy gets lucky...also known as everyone looks great at closing time sex. The downside of this is waking up with a woman who has a better moustache than you do! Hello Leo!!

Dirty-Flirty Bar Sex: The kind practiced by barmaids with "enhanced bosoms" that are generously exposed in revealing low-cut blouses to their drooling male customers as a very successful means of enhancing their tips. The rule is - "Spy a nip...sweeten the tip!" It's kinda tit for tat.

Highschool Sex - was there really such a thing? Those of us who went to all boys Catholic Prep Schools still wonder about what the public school co-ed action was like.

College Sex: In the dorm, in the Frat House, in the Castlewood Hilton, on the 50-yard line, in the Dean's office, in the gym, under the bleachers, on the kitchen table, in the library closet, on a hammock, trapeze, parallell bars or rings - or on a hayride or in a truckbed. College students are the original anywhere anytime sexcapaders. Did I miss any locations?

Pre-Marital Engagement Sex: That exciting test-drive period when the engaged couple is fully engaged in coupling and proving how great it's going to be once they are together in wedded bliss forever. It is the undressed rehearsal for the Honeymoon.

Honeymoon and Newly-wed Sex: The songs "In the Mood" and "Makin' Whoopee" seems to cover this time of life. It's a lot like College Sex, but with the same person in your own pad. Very convenient.

Baby-Makin' Sex: It's time to do your duty for Humanity, Queen and Country and reproduce! How many???...well, that's a good question. Eight Is Enough...and Cheaper By The Dozen were just two wrong answers.

Married Life Sex: Every other day sex now moves to Friday night and/or Saturday morning, then to every other week, then to once a month, then to whenever a headache, pressing engagement, kid's soccer game/sleepover or workday meeting isn't looming. Finally it settles in on New Year's Eve, Anniversary day and of course, it's here's your favorite Birthday Present time.

Divorced Sex: That feverish flurry of red hot sexual activity following being kicked to the curb; when "The Kicked One" seeks to re-establish their desireability, self-esteem and sex appeal. Cougar Sex had it's roots here...and they were bleached roots in many cases.

Adventure Sex: Mile High Club, Million Man March, Band Sex, Beach Sex, Cougar Conquest...it's more about the thrill of the chase than actually mounting and keeping the trophy.

Trophy Wife/Husband Sex: Proves that if money can't buy happiness, at least it can underwite a lot of earthly pleasure.

Friends With Privileges Sex: Consentual, recreational , exploratory, erotic, sensual and often racous and rapturous...it's how some people play. Cheaper than golf, not as rigorous as camping, hunting or birdwatching, no binoculars and heavy equipment needed and it's rarely rained out.

Sex At Sixty: I'm not talking miles per hour here. This is where fore-play becomes eight-play...twice as long. Who's in a hurry? Pass the Cialis and let the good times roll. It's all about experience, expertise, comfort, care and consideration. And more than a few laughs!!

Octoberfest Sex: A great German invention where eveyone reverts to being single for 2-weeks. It's the original don't ask, don't tell event. A great way to celebrate the Harvest and sow a few wild oats. Ein bier Fraulein, bitte schoen.

Hooker Sex: If you're on a limited budget and can't underwrite permanent pleasure with a Trophy Spouse/Mistress/BoyToy, at least you can rent it by the hour.

Gentlemen's Club Sex - it's like a visit to The Art Museum, only the naked works of art here are not still lifes or made of cold marble - they are well-oiled visions of poetry in motion on a polished pole.

Heinz Catsup Sex - it's the kind where the Anticipation is better than the actual event.

Make Up Sex - Maybelline, Avon or Clinique isn't involved. It's that sex that follows a spat, argument, greivance or WWIII. It verifies that all is well again...open the champagne and put the roses in the vase.

Your Parent's Sex - it's unimaginable, unfathomable, improbable, anti-picturesque and eewwww gross - it makes you believe you were ordered from L.L.Bean.

David Letterman Sex - it's a sure fire ratings booster and will undoubtedly inspire more than a few tabloid articles, Top Ten Lists and Stupid Pet Tricks. Makes you wonder who's under Dave's desk tonight.

Halloween Sex - it's when a sexy girl dressed like a witch jumps out of your closet and yells, "taBOO!"

Sheepish Sex - People don't ordinarily flock to it, but, according to lonely shephards, it's not Baaaaaaahhhd.

____________________________

BIG SEX QUESTIONS:

Why did God make the female form the apple of man's eye? And vice versa?

Why is sex such a powerful urge?

Why is sex so enduring...at least in theory and memory, if not in practice?

Is Sex synonomous with Love?

That's a HUGE question.

Can you have love without sex?

Can you have sex without love?

Is Lovemaking a misnomer for Sexcapading?

And, finally is sauce for the goose really sauce for the gander? A lot of folks have gotten in big trouble for taking a gander and giving a goose when sauced.

REALITY CHECK:

There are some people who are made for each other. They meet, fall in love and stay that way for the rest of their joyous and blissful lives.

Does anyone care to venture what percentage of the human population that is?

Whatever number is left is the rest of humanity.

Which group are you in?

Sex is a REALLY big deal in America. Not such a big deal in Paris or Rio. Why?

Vive la differance!

Polynesia before the Europeans introduced venereal diseases, Christianity and bras was really a pretty idyllic place where sex was just as natural as swimming. Polynesia must have been a lot like what Paradise must have been like before the dreaded "Apple-Reptile incident."

Is Sex just another normal bodily function - like breathing, eating and food processing? Have we attached an undue level of importance to it though man-made conventions, property laws and religious taboos?

What is "normal" Sex?

Oh boy! That really opens up Pandora's Box...personally, I'm a man-woman one-on-one kinda guy. A lot of the stuff I hear about is well beyond the pale of normal to me. I think there is a human bell-curve of Sexual Activity with most "normal" being in the middle with some extremes at either end.

I think Einstein's theory of relativity comes into play here too. What is normal is culturally and individually relative. Polygamy was accepted in many cultures for thousands of years, even in early Judeo-Christian settings. And homosexuality of both the male and female variety was normal in Athens. And, of course Cpl. Klinger popularized trans-genderism on M.A.S.H. Wasn't he lovely in chiffon?

Did you every wonder about The Lone Ranger and Tonto? Yancey Derringer and Pahoo? Or, Pancho and Cisco? Talk about gay caballeros!

Same sex preferences have existed from time in memorium. Amazons, Lesbians, Athenian man-love...it's all there in the pages of world history. The spirit of Sodom and Gommorah and the sex trade is still alive today. The world's oldest profession still attracts many practitioners and clients.

I even wondered about the Faun of Greco-Roman mythology...half-goat, half man and 100% weird. And, what about Jabba The Hutt? How did that dude get concieved? Now there's an anti-picturesque thought.

Sex is in its bare essence (no pun intended) all about creativity and the expression of it.

The hit TV show MAD MEN revels in the "steamy sexy creativity" of the advertising agency business back in the sexy 60's. And, the cable show HUNG has plowed new ground in making male prostitution acceptable and oddly funny. The role reversal of female client and male hooker is simultaneously alarming, amusing and totally bizarre.

Sex is usually unique to every genus and species, unless of course, man intervenes and creates the Labradoodle.

The human race has produced a myriad of indviduals from the sexual comingling of races. Some of the most exotically beautiful women in the world are Eurasian and Afrocausian. Author Graham Hancock's wife is a stunningly beautiful Ethiopian woman with refined Caucasian features and a skin as black as night.

The more I look at history, the more I see the powerful and pervasive role that sex has played. The redheads of Northern Italy...owe it to the conquering armies of Barbarossa. The Black Irish come from the comingling of the Irish and Spanish sailors shipwrecked after their Armada was sunk in 1588.

Costa Ricans today are a marvelous mixture of indigenous Central American Indians, African slaves, Spanish conquistadores and German immigrants.

Everywhere I go I see the dance of God's creative sexual expressions playing out. Sex will continue to be popular...not just because it is centrally-located, but because mankind is still a work in progress.

It's up to each one of us to learn how to use our sexual energy...perhaps, the commandment to love one another is the divine tempering mechanism that separates man from the chimp...and David Letterman from Jon Stewart.

I'll ask my banana-eating companion in the photo about that and get back to you with a second opinion. Did you know that only 8 chromosones separate the DNA of Man from Chimpanzee?

Gee, I could'a had a furcoat!

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen Of The Repbulic

PS: As a friend of mine once said, "Enjoy sex now...because we're all gonna be dead for a very long time."

A similar notion is expressed in the lyrics of a silly polka song, "In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here."

And as Mae West so wryly and wisely observed, "Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."

Is it any wonder that when someone asks, "Shall we? "

That so many others enthusiastically answer, "Lets!!!"

PS 2: "Tennis Anyone?" --could that be a cleverly coded Country Club metaphor for this age old question.

PS 3: "Brace yourself Maureen!" is also known as "Irish foreplay."

President Barack Hussein Obama Wins The Nobel Peace Prize!! Why? What Has He REALLY Accomplished?? A Contrarian Opinion.

Dear Pals,

I'm going out on a limb here, but I don't think President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize, unless they are handing it out for wishful thinking.

I actually think that his policies are a detriment to world peace and even a threat to our National Security.

There, I said it out loud.

Since he has been in office, I cannot point to any REAL accomplishments in the area of world peace. I do not consider making speeches to be worthy of the Nobel Prize. If that were all it took, then they could give the Nobel Peace Prize to everyone from the Pope to the Dali Lama (who Obama just snubbed)  to the lowest level tin-horn dictator who mouths the words, "world peace."

Throughout history, there have been monnikers assigned to various world leaders:

Alexander The Great

Peter The Great

Ivan The Terrible

John The Divine

Richard The Lion Hearted

So what name should we assign to President Barack Obama?

Let's review all of his wonderful REAL accomplishments toward creating world peace.

1) Gave "Muslim outreach" speech In Cairo (Nice try)

2) Persuaded Iran to stop nuclear missle development (Not yet)

3) Persuaded North Korea to stop firing missles and working on more nukes (Not yet)

4) Presuaded Hamas and the Palestinian Authority to negotiate in good faith (Not yet)

5) Defeated the Taliban (Hahahaha)

6) Gave the okay to shoot 2 Somali Pirates (Good call)

7) Authorized Justice Department to investigate CIA (Bad call)

8) Released Gitmo detainees to rejoin terrorist ranks (Worse call)

9) Presented his vision of a nuke free world at UN (Narsicissm's finest hour?)

10) Promised "peace in our time." (Ooops...that was Chamberlain)

11) Reneged on missle defense deal with Poland and Czech Republic  (Yep)

12) Got France and Britain and Russia to shake a disapproving finger at Iran (Yep)

13) Convened direct talks with Iran (Yep...and they agreed to keep talking)

Wait a minute...so far, aside from authorizing the SEALS to takeout 2 Somali scumbags, I don't see any REAL - as in tangible - accomplishments toward real world peace here.

Do you?

I believe that President Obama's style, belief system, self-concept and policies are Chamberlainesque. He must actually think that he can talk sense to people like the Iranians, North Koreans and now the Taliban to get them to come around to be peaceful folks.

Is that a realistic worldview??

I believe the Thugocracy in North Korea, The Terrorist Theocracy in Iran and Muslim extremists from Somalia to Denver, Colorado and New York City see him as a weak, waffling person who's stongest response thus far has been to voice an occasional "strong concern" or fire off an occasional drone missle into a mud hut.

I believe that President Obama's new policy to include the "moderate members of the Taliban" in an Afghan government and the ignoring of his military commanders on the ground in their request for troops is a recipe for unmitigated disaster.

FYI: Do you know how to tell a Taliban Moderate from a Taliban Extremist? The moderate is the one that is no longer breathing.

The naivete, arrogance and delusional caprice of the Obama Administration, and that includes General Joe Biden, is staggering in the face of:

1) Historical facts and behavioral precedents by Al Quida/Taliban

2) Actions by Iran and North Korea

3) Avowed goals and actions by Hamas, Hezbollah and The Palestinian Authority

4) Professed nuclear ambitions by Iran and now Venezuela

5) Professed intent to destroy Israel by Iran in order to usher in the Age of the 12th Imam

6) Worldwide nuclear proliferation - Hugo Chavez is in the market now too and Russia's ready to sell him new military technology

So where do we come out...

I for one have seen no REAL, tangible results from all of Obama's speech making, apologies for America or "open hand" diplomatic initiatives.

I believe the Iranians will keep talking to the U.S. and others until the day they hit Tel Aviv with a nuke on the tip of a North Korean missle.

I believe the scumbags and vermin of the earth have taken President Obama's measurement very well. They know that he loves the resonance of his own voice. So they will keep him talking...they'll even pretend to listen as they buy all the time they need to arm themselves before they unleash their weapons at will.

It looks a lot like 1938 all over again to me.

I would not be surprised to see President Obama return from Oslo with his Nobel Prize under his arm and declare, "peace in our time."

Will history show him to be: Barack The ___________________.

You fill-in the blank.

1) Savior of the world

2) Naive

3) Vaccilator

4) Delusional

5) Visonary

6) Charmer

7) Enabler

8) Weak

9) Brilliant

10) Peacemaker

Here's the Bottomline, as I see it:

Being awarded this prestigious prize will not advance the cause of world peace even one millimeter, it will only serve to ratify Obama's unwavering faith in himself and it will buttress his naive behavior. Any one, like me, who speaks up with a contrary view will be labeled as a "right-wing, war-mongering-Obama-hating racist."

Believe it or not, I've been called worse.

At the end of the day, the price of Obama's Nobel Peace Prize will be paid for by the endangerment of our armed forces in the field and the security of our nation here and around the world.

"Blessed are the peace makers for they shall see God."

Being a Christian, I really like that sentiment, I just hope that someone can really MAKE peace, instead of just TALK peace. Actions still speak louder than words. And right now, all the actions seem to be taking place in secret nuclear labs and roadside bomb factories.

I really hope I'm wrong about all this...

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic

PS: Where is the Churchill of our age?

Barack Hussein Obama...mmm...mmm...mmm. Let's All Join Hands And Sing The Fearless Peerless Leader Song!

Dear Pals,

Do you ever recall learning to sing a song to:

Franklin Delano Roosevelt?

Harry S. Truman?

Dwight D. Eisenhower?

John F. Kennedy?

Richard M. Nixon?

James "Jimmy" E. Carter?

Ronald W. Reagan?

George H.W. Bush?

Bill Clinton?

George W. Bush?

Okay...do you recall learning a song of praise to George Washington, Abraham Lincoln?

Can you recall being taught to sing any song about ANY President? (Abraham, Martin and John doesn't count)

To paraphrase Ethan Allen of the Green Mountain Boys, "Why in the name of the Great God Jehovah and the Continental Congress are pre-school children being taught to sing a song of praise to Barack Hussein Obama?

What great accomplishments have merited him such unique adulation?

Why don't we just rename the country Obamahood and get it over with.

What's next?

In Obama We Trust.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: I'll wait for a lucid explanation to this latest "no big deal."

Prediction 16..."The Mother Of The Heart Of Nations." It's Not Easy Being "Weird."

Dear Pals,

Back on January 12, 2009, I published my Fearless Forecast for 2009 - writing down my intuitions about what lay ahead.

When I wrote Prediction 16, I had real doubts about including it because it "popped" into my mind so spontaneously. I thought, even more people will really think I'm weird now.

Nonetheless, in the spirit of the "Fearless" side of the Fearless Forecast, I included it.

Here it is again:

_______________________________

16. Iran And The Middle East- regime changes will come about in a surprising way thanks to a new movement led by a woman. She will have a heretofore unheard of influence in the Islamic world. Her message will resonate with millions of other women who will move in unison and the pillars of male-dominated societies from Somalia to Teheran will be shaken and many regimes will fall. The woman will also be black and over 60 years-old. She will be called "The Mother Of The Heart of Nations" by millions of women worldwide.

Holey-Moley, where'd that one come from?

____________________________________

Imagine the "tingly-feeling" I got this past Sunday when I saw the photo of Edna Adan on page 39 of The New York Times Magazine and the interview with Ellen Johnson Sirleaf on page 16!!!

As I read the article The Women's Crusade by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, I experienced one of my full-body goosebump episodes, you know the kind I'm talking about, where the goosebumps start on the back of your neck and then cascade down and over your shoulders, chest and arms...all the way to your thighs, calves and toes!

Wow! This one was a real doozie! A 12.5 on the BITS ( Birk Intuitive Tingle Scale).

Maybe it was just the cool morning breeze, or maybe it was the chill wind of change that I felt.

If you haven't seen the article, I commend it to everyone.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen Of The Republic

PS: It's at moments like this when I hear the voice of my little neighbor boy, Sean W. from Kirkwood.

Sean once told me, "Mr. Birkenmeier, you're weird."

He wasn't the first one to slap that label on me either.

I suppose I've always looked at the world in a "weird" way. 

It's not easy being "weird."

But remember, weird is another way of spelling wired.

Maybe my mind is just wired differently??

To be totally candid, I also wonder if this could have anything to do with the time when I stuck a fork into an electrical outlet on Thanksgiving Day 1951?

But, that's another story!