The Wise Buddha-hahahaha

Not Exactly A Hallmark Card - Mother's Day Memories From "The Moron."

A BLAST FROM MOTHER'S DAY PAST: FIRST PUBLISHED MAY 8, 2011

 

Rosemary Memories

My most vivid memories of my Mother, Rosemary,

are not of her baking cookies or even

of her at Holiday times with fine food,

family and festivities with friends.

 

My most vivid memories are of what

I call, "critical course correction" moments.

Those times when she not-so gently

delivered a message of displeasure

at my misbehavior and shenanighans.

 

I can recall the flicks of a weeping willow switch.

I can recall the butt smack of an old paddle ball paddle.

I can recall a "head knuckling" and an "ear pull."

I can recall her gentle voice askng, "What were

you thinking?" Or, "Wait until your Father gets home."

 

I can recall her sitting up with me all night

as we memorized chemical equations for

my final exam. I needed an "A" on the exam to earn a course grade "D."

She made it happen, with all the tenderness of

a USMC Drill Instructor at Paris Island.

 

I can recall her "briefings" before major

family events. Her detailed instructions were

specific, pointed and often punctuated with

"Or else." I once asked, "Or else what?"

A brief corporal demonstration instantly followed.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. I was not an abused child.

I was just a "boundary tester" - the kind of child who

was always pushing the envelope, although I would

have described myself as an experimental life enthusiast.

 

Mom understood that there were "book learners"

like my cousin Patty Perfect, and sisters, Mary Beth and Ann Marie.

And then there was "The Moron" for whom, book learning

was never quite enough...I needed the physical experience.

If I asked. "Is the stove really hot?"

She'd encourage me to touch it.

If I asked, "Will Mike bite ( her overly-trained uber-wonder dog)

if I grab his bone?" She'd say, "Why don't you grab it and find out."

 

My Mom loved me and fed me and hugged me a lot.

She baked cookies. Shook her head over the "U" and "L"

marks the nuns gave me for just being me.

My Mom taught me how to ride a bike in the alley.

My Mom put methiolate on every wound from a skinned knee to a fractured skull,

My Mom rubbed Vicks Vapor-Rub on to my chest.

My Mom spooned out Milk of Magnesia.

My Mom even rubbed Rueben's Solvens Balm onto

my broken arm after my back-riding and screaming-in-terror baby sister Ann Marie 

covered my eyes and caused me to crash my speeding sled into a concrete sewer. 

 

My Mom wiped my tears away at other times and tenderly told me to,

"Stop being a cry-baby!" and to "Punch Eddie Kelly in the nose, like this."

I can still see her knotting up her little Irish fist and

showing me how to deal with him and his bully pal Eddie Houchen.

 

My Mother told me, "Your name may be Birkenmeier.

But you're my son and that makes you a Collins.

Don't forget that." She always said, "When the

road gets rough, 'Bring out your Irish.' "

 

My Mother dressed me like a little gentleman.

Two-toned shoes, snappy suspenders and a

nice part in my hair. She hoped for a gentleman.

I came close...and turned out to be a well-dressed houlighan.

 

There are a million "Rosemary stories."

My cousins can recount them.

Loring can recount them.

My sisters Mary Beth and Ann Marie have

their versions too.

 

But all the Rosemary stories end the

same way -- with lots of laughter, glee and delight.

Rosemary Ann Birkenmeier (nee) Collins

gave it all she had and loved large.

Very,very, very large.

 

When the love of her life, Lawrence J. Birkenmeier

died at age 43, she said, "I had 20-years with a good man

and I could have had a lifetime with a louse."

 

She prayed her rosary everyday.

She never missed Mass on Sunday

or Holy Days. She always went to

City Hall and cooked corned beef

and cabbage on St. Patrick's Day.

 

I'm sure she's a Saint in heaven today.

Raising her children earned her that spot.

 

"Has anybody here seen Kelly?

Kelly from the Emerald Isle?

Her hair is red and her eyes are blue

You can tell she's Irish through and through.

Has anybody here seen Kelly?

Kelly from the Emerald Isle?"

  

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!

Miss you every day.

 

__________________________________

 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

TO ALL THE MOTHERS I'VE

BEEN PRIVILEGED TO KNOW!

 

__________________________________

 

PS: How come there is no Wife's Day?

I'm wondering if there should be because

not every Wife is a Mother. And vicey versa.

 As Rosemary used to say, "Don't worry about it...It'll all come out in the wash."

 

 Love,

The Moron

The Swallows Come Back To Capistrano. The Buzzards Come Back To Hinkley, Ohio. Where Are The Sparrows? Will They Come Back To St. Louis?

Dear Pals,

At the end of World War I there was a ceremony in Layfayette Square Park, where pairs of small brown English Sparrows were released. They were to serve as a reminder of the trip across the pond to fight the "War To End All Wars."

Those WWI veterans, like my grandfather, who returned to St. Louis from battles in the Meuse-Argonne, Soissons, Chateau-Thierry, Belleau Woods and from the postwar occupied Rhineland in 1919, saw the little English sparrow as ubiquitous reminders of "The Lost."

When I was a kid growing up in South St. Louis back in the 1950's, English sparrows were everywhere.

FAST FORWARD TO 2011.

The other day I was taking the long way to "The Hill" through The Clifton Heights neighborhood. And, as I waited for the light to change at Southwest and Watson, something very odd hit me.

There were no birds.

As I drove on, I began consciously looking for a bird.

Any bird.

When I arrived at New World Post, I asked my pal Mike the Beekeeper, if he had seen any sparrows out near his home in the far western near-country burbs.

He speculated, "No, I haven't seen any lately, but it may be the time of year."

We both looked out the window over "The Hill" neighborhood and saw only ONE small bird sitting on a wire over I-44 watching the cars go by.

Did all the birds go to Sebastapol for a remake of The Birds?

Did they move to Ladue, Chesterfield or Wildwood for sweeter suet?

Did we kill 'em off with pesticides?

Where are all the birds?

I'm totally asea here.

If anyone knows where the sparrows are...please leave a comment.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic.

PS: I'm not a birdwatcher, but Loring's Mom and Dad were. They went all over the world, literally from pole to pole and from Africa to the Galapagos. They spent over 20-years making their life list.

Many times they would get up early in the morning to go to trash dumps where local Audubon Society Members had recently spotted a rare bird. Once they went to an area in Texas where the U.S. Border Patrol swooped down on them at 5:00 am because they had taken up an observation position in the middle of a "drug drop" zone.

If you were a bird what would you be?

An Eagle?

Dove?

Hawk?

Crow?

Peregrine Falcon?

Stool Pidgeon?

Swallow?

Goose?

Duck?

Buzzard?

Wise old Owl?

An English Sparrow, MIA?

Or maybe a Loon, like me?

PS 2: I do have a sparrow in my den.

He's beautifully painted and made of fine bone china.

Below him is a little placque that gives me comfort whenever I read it...

"His eye is on the sparrow and I know God cares for you."

Does St. Louis Have A Death Wish? An Objective Analysis By A Visitor From Mars. Is St. Louis Destined To Become Hollywood's Urban Warfare Zone Backlot? Who Will Play "Snake" In The Remake Of Escape From New York? Please Bring Us The Democrat Convention!!

Dear Pals,

Indulge me. Please pretend you are a visitor from Mars considering St. Louis as a place to set up a major new business...or even a small entrepreneurial business.

Now, I know a little about selling St. Louis' many benefits because my esteemed colleague Donna Haggerty-Payne came up with the line I'm Sold on St. Louis, when we worked together developing the RCGA campaign at BHN. I promoted the passionate and talented Donna to be BHN"s Creative Director over some older male candidates - and that caused no small stir in Camelot. But I digress.

LET'S COUNT OUR BLESSINGS:

St. Louis is blessed with a great central location. We are in the central time zone, so we can easily do business on long days with both coasts. Our rivers converge and are ideal for bulk transport to the gulf and up river to the Great Lakes. We have relatively low taxes. We have great north-south and east-west highways and rail connections. We have affordable housing. We have a Symphony. We have an NFL, MLB and NHL team here. We have universities of world reknown. We have some highly-skilled folks here with great backgrounds in science, medical and aviation professions, just to name a few. We have an Art Museum in Forest Park near our Zoo and Muny Opera. We also have "living art museums" on the Eastside! St. Louis has a large labor force of skilled manufacturing, construction, beer-making and pole-dancing people.We have a large nearby human shooting gallery too! It's called North St. Louis.

St. Louis also appears to have a Death Wish.

As Walt Kelley's Pogo so succintly put it, "We have met the enemy and he is US!"

Let me make my case...

DEATH WISH EVIDENCE NUMBER 1:

I picked up the July 1-7th issue of The St. Louis/Southern Illinois Labor Tribune to find page after page of attacks on the Carpenter's Union by the other local unions led by the IBEW. What's the big broughaha?

Well, it seems like it's over the Carpenter's new start-up electricians union LOCAL 57. The headline in the cover photograph declared: ST. LOUIS IS A UNION TOWN...NOT A ONE UNION TOWN.

The public fraternal dust up has been complete with unattributed vandalism reminiscent of the 1950's.

There are a couple of ways to read the headline, especially if you're from out-of-town, like Mars.

1) There are lots of unions to deal with here in St. Louis and the brothers and sisters can't get along.

2) Unions are in favor of multiple unions - unless one of them competes with another. Competition must be a bad thing in Unionville.

3) St. Louis is stuck in time, because technology has blurred the old jurisdictional lines. Is installing an electronically-controlled window or door an electrician's job or a carpenter's job?

Or is it a Carpetrician's or Electripanter's job?

This line-blurring has led to constructive dialogue like, "Hey! F-You that's my job! Oh Yeah! Watch us shut this Effen job down!"

4) Common sense, collegial cooperation, realism, productivity, efficiency, cost control, best and highest use of skills and manpower and realistic fairness are ALL being trumped by jusrisdictional turf battles and union dues protectionism.

Union leaders and business agents don't want to lose members and the dues revenue that comes with them. Can you blame them? After all, who wants to drive a Chevy, instead of a Buick or Cadillac?

Rational souls have to wonder, is it all really about fear of competition by rival unions? Or is it all about money, union dues revenue, job jurisdiction, nest-feathering work rules and testosterone-laden egos?

You tell me.

If this keeps up, maybe we can soon return to the good old days of Frank 'Buster" Wortman et al and have a few contract killings, shoot 'em ups on the edge of restaurant parking lots and car bombings to take us back to the good old days of union infighting in St. Louis.

St. Louis loves to look backwards at the halcyon days of the 1904 World's Fair. We also love to talk about regionalism, realism and civic progress as we tenatively drive forward at 1.5 miles per hour in low gear with our eyes fixed squarely in our rear view mirrors.

Looking backwards and living backwards is something St. Louisan's are really good at doing.

The irony of all this is that the unions are fighting over jurisdictional issues and freedom of union affiliation choice issues at a time when there is virtually NO MAJOR CONSTRUCTION IN ST. LOUIS. And, being from Mars, I can't see how this much publicized fraternal spat will help attract new businesses, encourage expansion of existing businesses or even keep jobs here.

P.R.I.D.E. also appears to have taken a head shot as an effective consensus building labor-management forum. Maybe an OK-Corral style shootout by the top guns in the union melee in centerfield at Busch Stadium during the 7th inning stretch could solve the intramural union problems?

St. Louis has always had to compete - with the nearby Right-To-Work states and cross river areas with different locals and different rules - with one hand tied behind its back. Now St. Louis gets to compete in the race to grow with other areas with both kneecaps broken while wearing a pair of concrete shoes.

DEATH WISH NUMBER TWO:

Development In North St. Louis is thwarted in court.

The Kurt Russell/Lee Van Cleff movie, Escape From New York was filmed here because St. Louis looked like a ruined city after a major war. That was way back in 1981.

They are soon to film a sequel: Escape From New York 2013. Recently, Up In The Air was filmed here because we had so many vacant buildings and a deathly-quiet airport.

I hope St. Louis is in the running for the remake of Escape From New York 2013, because for the past 29 years, the pure-hearted community activists have really done a lot to perfectly maintain and even enhance the look of North St. Louis as a bombed out graffiti-decorated urban DMZ.

If they reprise the role of "Snake" - I can think of a few people I'd like to nominate for the part.

Maybe that's the reason why the pure-hearted concerned community activists are fighting so hard to preserve the DMZ and deny the $300+ million in tax credits to developer Paul McKee, who has put up millions of his own money and spent years of his life knitting together a coalition of the willing to transform the human shooting gallery just north of downtown into a viable community again.

Much celebrating was documented in the newspaper by community activists when Judge Robert Dierker ruled against the tax credits that had been approved by the Board of Aldermen.

I know Bob Dierker. I went to grade school with him. We both supported Richard Swatek and his deputy, Curtis Crawford for Prosecuting Attorney and Assistant PA in the wake of the George Pietsch scandal. Bob and I even have our cars serviced at the same place. I know Bob is a good judge. I'm sure his issues and concerns are legitimate. I also know Bob deeply loves his hometown.

I know Paul McKee. The old Battling Bear of WU made millions in a business he built from scratch. Paul and his wife, Midge could have ridden off into the sunset and lived a glorious and carefree retirement. But Paul loves his hometown and he could not sit idly by and watch its heart die.

Paul is a good man. Bob Dierker is a good man. Good men can disagree. Good men can also work together.

I pray that they can come together and get the Northside project back on track. I also pray that Paul does not lose heart - for he is the ONLY man,  who has stepped up to address the redevelopment in a comprehensive manner and backed up his words with deeds and his own cash.

I don't see any pure-hearted community activists or local minority millionaires stepping up with their cash to take on the challenge.

If Judge Dierker needs more details, I hope that they will be presented in a way that will address his legal concerns and issues.

But, there may also some characters in the mix who bear watching and motivational scrutiny.

Is it possible that in the weeds near the pure-hearted community activists that there may lurk some minor-league extortionist wanna-bes? Is it possible that there might be some parasitic long time dream-nothing, contribute-nothing, do-nothings, who might  need to have their palms greased before the serious work of rebuilding the killing fields of North St. Louis can begin?

Perhaps we need to set up The Metropolitan Regional Office of Bribes, Payoffs and Political Kickbacks to appease, mollify and gease the palms of these wonderful folks, who seem so determined to protect North St. Louis and preserve its status quo as a Drive-By-Shooting Gallery and as Hollywood's backlot for urban Sci-Fi war zone films.

At least that way we could cut out some of the lawyers' fees and let the coalition of the willing get on with the serious rebuilding work.

Hells bells! 

Wait a minute! Maybe the alternative visionaries have a better idea than Paul McKee. Maybe they plan to create a new North St. Louis reality TV show: Bang! Bang! Zig-Zag!

In it contestants, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Running Man, try to run between abandoned buildings and crackhouses dodging the bullets being fired by the gang bangers in their armored SUVs. Zig-Zag Cigarette Papers could be the sponsor.

I love my hometown. But I worry that it really does have a DEATH WISH.

Maybe the Democrat Party will solve all our problems if it comes here to have its convention. Hallelujah Brother! That will create a lot of economic activity. A real financial shot in the arm that the City and County and State can sorely use.

It will ONLY cost about $20-$25 million give or take, But think of all the "unsustainable" positive economic impact and JOBS! JOBS! JOBS!

I just wonder which unions they'll hire to help the Dems build and wire the fantasy dreamscape? After all, all the unions financially support the Hope and Change wondermakers. You can't leave anyone out can you? Not even the ones fighting with each other.

I wonder if the Democrat Party delegates would rather stay at the Ritz Carlton, Hyatt or Millenium - or would the true believers prefer to camp out in cardboard boxes covered with sheets of plastic on the vacant lots of North St. Louis to help them bond and emotionally and spiritually reconnect with the local pure-hearted community activists and share a real urban survival experience.

I'll bet Rev. Jerry Rice could help set it up. We could call it Victory Vision Village...the place were promises are made while dreams, people and a City dies.

Maybe I can get the Kevlar Vest concession?

As far as setting up my new Martian business in St. Louis, I can read the BIG RED FLASHING NEON WARNING sign that says:

Entering St. Louis - Home Of Open Palms And Closed Minds! Closed For Business! Entrepreneurs Seeking Productivity, Economic Efficiency And Cooperative Collegial Behavior...Keep Moving!

So, I think I'll keep looking for a community led by mature grownups with an entreprenueurial OPEN FOR BUSINESS "GIT 'ER DONE" ATTITUDE.

In the meantime, I'll leave St. Louis to the Hatfields and the McCoys...and "Snake."

One final question...does RCGA now stand for Real Cooperation's Gone Away?  And, has P.R.I.D.E. changed to mean Payoffs Really Inspire Development Excitement.

You tell me? I'm just a schmoo who's watching the show.

____________________Please bow your head and join me in prayer ______________

Dear Lord, we humbly beseech Thee, in Thy loving mercy please save us from ourselves and all the petty greedy, self-serving impulses that are rapidly turning St. Louis into Detroit. Amen

Birk, Commonsensetarian, Citizen of the Republic, Mob of One, Sage sans Snuggie for Summer

PS: I grew up in a Southside Democrat family. My one Grandfather and my own Dad were longtime union members. My uncle was a union officer. We had family members in the IAM, Communication Workers of America, Retail Clerks, Teamsters and Brewers unions. I was once a union member myself...many years ago.

I'm not anti-union or anti-development. I am just anti-stupid...wherever I find stupid: southside, eastside, westside or northside, I'm against it.

Whatever happened to the concept of working together for the higher good of all? All being the entire community of citizens collectively known as St. Louis.

I believe that what I'm witnessing today in both DEATH WISH scenarios is not what my forebears believed in and fought and voted for.

In St. Louis it seems like we can't even build a common sense consensus today. I'm hoping for change.

Bless us and save us Mrs. O'Davis.

10/10/10 SPECIAL TIP of the hat to Capt. Ron of The Lost Planet Airmen for correcting the Pogo quote!!

Fake Internet Stuff: Hey Andy Did You See The Fake Video Of The Crowd Of Menacing Mexican Students Harrassing The Lone White Kid In The Scooter Chair? If The Scene Was Reversed, Would It Be A Hate Crime? Or Is This A Fake Hate Crime??

Dear Pals,

My Pal, Andy is always the first to tell me that many internet images are, in his word: fake.

Okay, since I'm well aware of the powers of PhotoShop and of the unrivaled sense of mischief and mayhem that creative people are capable of, I often accept his discerning, insightful and excrutiatingly detailed technical explanations at face value.

However, despite his best, repeated and most earnest efforts, I remain a hopelessly inept http//www.ignoramus/techno-neanderthal

I'm not proud of that...it's just the TRUTH.

So, Andy, All Knowing All Wise Techno Guru, please enlighten me.

How did they fake the YouTube video of the menacing crowd of Mexican students harrassing the lone white kid in the Scooter Chair?

Is this a "Mockumentary" - like the anti-American venom-coated ones Micheal Moore makes?

Did they get all those "extras" to act as the crowd from Central Casting? Or, did they just follow the advice of the old Taco Bell slogan and "Make a run for the border." ( I wonder why they dropped that and the leetle dog too?)

I've also seen this troubling video numerous times on TV in connection with the reporting on the students who were sent home for offending Mexican students on Cinco de Mayo.

I hope those American Flag wearing students, won't make the same mistake on Bastille Day because we wouldn't want to offend the millions of illegal French aliens, who have snuck in across the northern border from Quebec - they are deroggatorily called, "Ice Backs" by the looney right-wing, hate mongering non-PC crowd in Montana and the Dakotas.

QUESTION: My Pal Chris asked me the other day, "How come burning an American Flag is protected free speech, but burning a Mexican Flag is a hate crime?"

I told him that I thought that burning a Mexican Flag could only be a hate crime, if it was being worn at the time of ignition. I'm not sure that was the correct legal answer however. But I'm reasonalbly certain it's not the PC answer.

I am always amazed at how silent my liberal pals become when this kind of stuff pops up. Dusty? Andy? Larry? Moe, Tim, Jane, Tarzan and Boy...are you guys okay?

Gato gotta your tongues?

Birk, Commmonsensetarian, Citizen of the Republic, Mob of One, Buff, Tuff and Taking No Guff.

PS: Maybe Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton can go out to California and straighten the whole illegal alien/Mexican border mess out.

Or, maybe The Revs be all tied up dealing with the nightly gun battles raging in Obama's old Chicago.

Maybe President Martin Sheen can step in if the Two Revs be too busy?

Or if all else fails, maybe we'll have to fall back on law enforcement to get things under control.

OMG! NOT LAW ENFORCEMENT!!

What was I thinking??...that might create an "incendiary reaction" from the millions hard-working illegal aliens that are parking cars and pumping gas in San Jose.

Best to just leave them all alone...all alone...just like the American kid in the Scooter Chair.

ACLU...where be you at? 

Why is the ACLU MIA, is that because it's not the Mexican Civil Liberties Union?

I think the ACLU is really the PCLU.

PCLU, because if it isn't left, it can't be right! And if it's right it must be wrong and left alone."

Alone - just like the American kid in the Scooter Chair.

Do scenes like that really make people be proud to be Mexican?

Father Corapi Is In Town Tommorrow. His Topic Is: FEAR NOT - There is TRUTH!

Dear Pals,

This is kind of an unsual way to spend an entire Kentucky Derby Day, there won't be a Mint Julep or Toteboard anywhere in sight.

But I really need to hear what he has to say about the power of TRUTH. Right now the prevalence of TRUTH is particularly relevant to me.

This may come as a BIG surprise to many of you who know that I'm not a religious person and that a lot of the dogmas and orthodoxy of organized religions have no appeal or resonance with me at all.

Nevertheless, I find this man and his messages to be extremely interesting and highly relevant. He's appearing at Chaivetz Arena here at St. Louis University tomorrow.

Below is the schedule and his life story. He is by any standard a very unique individual. I caught his talk entitled, NO MAN LEFT BEHIND - one day as I was channel surfing.

It was very compelling.

So this is what we'll be doing tomorrow. Loring's coming along too. I'm very happy about that.

_______________________Here is the information from the website on the event

Schedule of Events:
8 a.m. - Doors open
9-10 a.m. - First conference, "What is Truth?"
10-10:45 a.m. - Break
10:45-11:45 a.m. - Second conference, "Only the Humble See Truth"
11:45 a.m.-1 p.m. - Break for Lunch
1-2 p.m. - Third conference, "Truth Alone Will Set You Free"
2-2:45 p.m. - Break
2:45-3:45 p.m. - Fourth conference, "Fear Not - There is Truth"
4:30 p.m. - Mass with Archbishop Robert J. Carlson

Father John Corapi is what has commonly been called a late vocation. In other words, he came to the priesthood other than a young man. He was 44 years old when he was ordained. His experiences prior to ordination have been termed simply astounding, but that is probably somewhat of an overstatement. They might be called extreme, however. From small town boy to the Vietnam era US Army, from successful businessman in Las Vegas and Hollywood to drug addicted and homeless, to religious life and ordination to the priesthood by Pope John Paul II, to a life as a preacher of the Gospel who has reached millions with the simple message that God's Name is Mercy!

Father Corapi's academic credentials are quite extensive. He received a Bachelor of Business Administration degree from Pace University in the seventies. Then as an older man returned to the university classrooms in preparation for his life as a priest and preacher. He received all of his academic credentials for the Church with honors: a Masters degree in Sacred Scripture from Holy Apostles Seminary and Bachelor, Licentiate, and Doctorate degrees in dogmatic theology from the University of Navarre in Spain.

Since his ordination to the priesthood in 1991 Fr. Corapi has traveled over 2,000,000 miles preaching the Gospel. He has preached in 49 of the 50 states, all of the Canadian provinces except NewFoundland, and several other foreign countries. He is currently engaged in preaching and teaching the Catholic faith by way of the means of social communication: television, radio, the internet, and various other multi-media formats.

______________________________

Birk, Commonsensetarian, Citizen of the Republic, Mob of One and Sage in the Snuggie.

PS: I had a hard time getting tickets...since I waited until the last minute, I had to settle for "best available" - so we're up in the rafters. Maybe I'll sing Nearer My God To Thee up there.

So How MOI Doing? Birk "Opens The Kimono" - Warts And All, ewwwwww - Seeking Fearless Feedback. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly! How B.I.G. Am I? And How B.I.G. Be You??

Dear Pals,

I'm in the process of doing a fearless moral inventory and self-analysis. But I need some input and objective outside perspective to balance my self-perspective. Why? Because I don't want to become narcissistic or vainglorious or even more of an opinionated self-righteous boorish paltroon than I already am.

HELP!!

So here's how I'm approaching it:

1. The scale is 1-10 where one is worthless and ten is fabulous

2. The area/characteristic  being evaluated is listed in BOLD

3. M = My self-rating

4. O = Rating of others -family/friends/colleagues/cronies

5. I = Desired Image/perception/GOAL

Together this gives me the - moi - which is the Ms. Piggy, French ejaculation, I use in response to a criticism, characterization, slur and/or accusation.

IE: "Birk, you're full of Malarkey!"  "moi?"

Please feel free to chime in, fearless feedback, brickbats and bouquets are welcome.

HUSBAND  M = -5  O = -100  I = 5

FATHER  M = 2  O = 5  I = 7

OVERALL PAL  M = 7  O = 3  I = 7

MANLY MAN'S PAL  M = 7  O = 5  I = 10

LADY'S PAL  M =9  O = 2  I = 9

CRONY  M=10  O = -5  I = 15

TRUSTED ADVISOR  M = 9  O = 8  I = 15

TEAMMATE/TEAMPLAYER  M = 10  O = 5  I =10

WRITER  M = 6  O = 8  I = 9

POLITICAL PUNDIT  M = 12  O = 5  I = 9

WITTY SOCIAL COMMENTATOR  M = 10  O = 3  I = 12

MARKETING STRATEGIST  M = 8 O = 7 I = 9

PATIENT/PERSISTENT WORKER  M = 8  O = 5  I = 8

LEADERSHIP  M =8  O = 7  I = 9

LISTENER  M = 9  O = 6  I = 9

DOT CONNECTOR  M = 9  O = 7  I = 9

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTER  M = 0  O = 8  I = 0

SOCIAL CLIMBING/NAME DROPPER  M = 0  O = 12  I = 0

COMMUNITY ORGANIZER  M = -150  O = 0  I = 0

BUSINESS COMMUNITY ORGANIZER  M = 7  O = 6  I = 10

PERSONALLY ORGANIZED  M = 7  O = 7   I = 9

ENERGY LEVEL  M = 8  O = 8  I = 9

HEALTH  M = 7  O = -4  I = 5

SENSE OF HUMOR  M = 9  O = 7  I = 12

PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY  M =10   O = 3  I = 10

PROFESSIONALISM  M = 9  O = 8  I = 12

ANALYTICAL SKILLS  M = 8  O = 6 I = 10

MALARKEY DISPENSER  M = 3  O = 150  I = O

WITTY BAR BANTERER  M = 10  O = 2  I = 150

CHARMING LADY CHAT-ER-UPPER-ER  M =150  O = 3  I = 8

BUFFOON  M = 0  O = 8  I = 0

RELIABILTY  M = 150  O = 8  I = 10

EMPLOYER/MANAGER  M = 8  O = 5  I = 10

PAL MAKER  M = 8  O = 6  I = 10

PAL KEEPER M = 8  O = 5  I = 10

ATHLETICISM  M = 5  O = -150  I = 5

BARSTOOL WARMER  M = 5  O = 5  I = 1O

DELIGHTFUL DINNER COMPANION  M = 10  O = 3  I = 12

POMPOUS LECTURING MORON RIGHT WINGNUT RACIST EXTREMIST  M = O    O = 10   I = O

ORDINARY CITIZEN OF THE REPUBLIC  M = 10  O = 6  I = 10

"REAL MAN OF GENIUS" M = 5  O = 2  I = 10

B.I.G PROFILE (BOLD/INNOVATIVE/GENEROUS)  M = 7  O = 5  I = 12

_______________________________

NOTE: This is NOT a COMPLETELY OBJECTIVE RELATIVE SCALE. Because as a "relative"  I get what looks like a Tic-Tac-Toe score of 0-0-0 by my male relatives and XXX by my female relatives.

It all works out to OOO XXX OOO XXX - they all LOVE me! Not because they want to...but because they have to. It's another one of those unpleasant family duties/obligations/cultural courtesies that keeps them from garrotting me at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and the irregularly-held Birkfests.

___________________

Okay enough SELF-ABSORBED narcissism...please gimme an ice-cold USMC field shower and dry shave.

It's always good to have that kind of input before my daily course-correcting "Come To Loring" meeting when I sing to her:

"I'M JUST A FOOL WHO'S INTENTIONS ARE GOOD, OH LORD!! PLEASE DON'T LET ME BE   MIS-UNDERSTOOD!"

Birk, Commonsensetarian, Citizen of the Republic, Mob of One and Sage in the Snuggie

PS: I will be here anxiously awaiting input from far-and-wide to see how you think I'm do-do doing.

That was not Elmer Fudd stuttering. I'm used to being in deep do-do.

 

 

 

BIRK BONUS BLOG FOR NON-NIGHT HAWKS: Who Controls The Purple Cork-Screw Beam That Killed The Russian Missile North Of Norway? Richard C. Hoagland Thinks It Might Be The Illuminazis.

Dear Pals,

My pal George Noory aka "The Night Hawk," who is "the man" at Coast-To-Coast, the worldwide radio phenomenon broadcast on over 500 stations and the Internet every night had Richard C. Hoagland on last night.

I've been listening to Richard C. Hoagland for years...going waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back to his days with Art Bell. Well, last night's show was a doooozey! Hoagland was once the science advisor to Walter Cronkite and wrote the classic book The Face On The Edge Of Tomorrow.

Richard is a freethinking dot-connecting guy who has followed NASA for decades.

Sooooooo...if you want to have your mind blown about 1) the announcement to end the back-to-the-moon NASA funding, 2) hear about the purple corkscrew beam that stopped a Russian missle traveling at 19,000 mph dead in its tracks and 3) the tetrahedron subsequently videoed over Red Square and

- are you sitting down?

You'll hear Richard's scenario about 4) the Nazi high-technology "black ops" programs run by General Keppler, that literally disappeared "off the face of the earth" from Czechoslovakia at the end of WWII.

It's a wild and admittedly highly speculative ride...but one well-worth taking.

So buckle up and Google the Coast-To-Coast website to hear the show...and then check out Richard's website at EnterpriseMission.com.

Who's in charge here?

The Illuminati...

The Illuminaughty...

or The Illuminazis?

Wowie Zowie Uncle Howie!!

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: You'll love the way Richard cites the New York Times story referencing our current Secretary of Defense Gates watching Seven Days In May "to relax" on his way back from a recent trip Pakistan.

Yep, there's nothing "more relaxing" than watching a movie (out of ALL the movies on earth) about a Military Coup taking over the government of the USA.

Personally, I relax by watching Time Bandits...with a bowl of white cheddar popcorn and a Coke ZERO in hand. But then, I'm kinda weird.

EVIL Is LIVE Spelled Backwards. Is LOVE Is Another Way To Look At EVOLution? Here's Where I Came Out.

Dear Pals,

"I AM."

That's what God is reported to have said to Moses.

For most of my years, I wanted more than that.

I AM.

More information, please.

As my best Pal says, "Inquiring minds want to know."

A mind is a terrible thing to waste...it can also be a terrible thing to use and/or misuse.

Especially when a lot of things simply "don't ring true."

And, believe me, a lot of things that I was taught did not resonate with me. As a boy, I was exposed to a lot of anti-semitism in my neighborhood. I was told to be careful of Jews because they lied and were greedy money-mongering cheats.

Thankfully other inputs at home altered those widely-held ideas.

My Dad, who helped liberate the Nazi death camps, told me about what he saw and smelled. His German-American heritage was no longer something of which he was proud, so he simply changed into being an American.

When I met Jews in the course of my business life, I found the vast majority them to be honest, hard-working and very ethical. I had many Jews as partners and clients. I also discovered that some of the Christians I encountered were liars, scoundrels and thieves.

Suffice it to say, I had a lot of doubts about a lot of things.

Not the least of which was, "How do I fit in?"

So, I started studying the religions of the world. My own Roman Catholic dogmas and training by the Augustinian monks; who made me study Latin for 4-years and marvel at the genetic work of their cohort Gregor Mendel and the writings of St. Augustine, still left an unfilled place. They also conveniently ignored the fact that Martin Luther was one of their own. (Ooops!)

Many years later after a failed marriage, I remarried, and I was "received" and became an Episcopalian - only to discover that the the only real difference was that Catholics had the Ten Commandments and Episcopalians had The 3 Commandments and the 7 Suggestions.

I read tons of books on world history, military warfare and Christian history - from Coptic texts to Gnostic writings.

The Dead Sea Scrolls and ancient Essene codexes intrigued me. I visited England, Ireland, The Netherlands, Egypt, Crete and Greece...read The Egyptian Book of The Dead and The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I read about Lao Tse, Confucious, the Essenes, Sumarians, Zoroastrians and Sufis.

The American Hopi and Anasazi civilizations intrigued me as did the Aboriginal Australiains, Incans, Aztecs and Olmecs.

I also spent a lot of time trying to wrap my mind around Physics, quantum mechanics, electro-magnetism and the ideas of Faraday, Einstein, Newton, Bohrs, Tesla, Heisenberg, Feynman and Hawking.

I managed to achieve many headaches brought on by my inability to comprehend the math of science.

I poured over the learned treatises of Ralph Waldo Emerson, George Carlin, Dennis Miller, Drew Carey, Lewis Black and most recently Tom Cathcart and Daniel Klien, who wrote Plato and a Platypus Walk Into A Bar.

I believe that philosophy poses the questions and science and mathmatics reveals order and harmony.

I'm not sure if any of the answers we uncover in any field will ever be all inclusive and thoroughly explantory.

I have a dear Pal who is an extraordinary and surprisingly deep thinker. He, like all of us, struggles with the world and the peculiar personal challenges it hands him.

But he once told me that his goal was "To perform a perfect act of charity."

He told me that he didn't think that was possible though, because he'd enjoy doing it and that would mean that he had a motive of satisfying himself and that that self-serving reason would mean that the act of charity was somehow diminshed...and therefore, it would fall short of perfection.

Wow!

Today, I know for absolute certain 00.000000000000000000000000001% about 00.0000000000000000000000000000001% of nothing. And, I'm oddly proud of that achievement.

Here's where I come out on all this.

I call it MY HUMAN BEING CREED

I AM concious of being alive.

I am a Human Being.

I LIVE because of others, I did not create myself.

I choose to continue to be LIVING.

I choose to LIVE creatively.

I choose to LOVE.

I choose to EVOLve.

I choose to feel LIFE and LOVE within me.

I choose to look for LIFE and LOVE in others.

I am endowed by I AM with a love of life, liberty and happiness.

I believe that the spirit of I AM is in all human beings.

I believe that THE BIG BANG was just the sound of THE BIG THOUGHT by THE BIG THINKER.

I believe that we are a part of God not apart from God.

I believe that being a Human Being means being creative.

I believe that all the Law and the Prophets really do hang on just two commandments...

Love the Lord Thy God with thy whole heart and mind and soul.

and

Love thy neighbor as thyself.

I believe that man-made religions, man-made dogmas and man-made governments and most man-made laws are really man-caused disasters.

I don't believe that I AM picked out any one man to be I AM's authoritative spokesman.

I believe we can all "hear I AM" if we listen to the still small voice within.

I believe that I AM speaks equally to every man and woman.

I believe that I AM is inside every strand of DNA.

Our job is not to force a man-made version of God into or onto others.

Our job is to let the I AM within each of us come out.

Our job is to be creative.

Our job is to be Human.

Our job is to LIVE and LOVE.

Everything else will fall in place.

Of that, I AM...certain.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: Sometimes, I have to STOP AND REMIND myself that the world that is created everyday by man is NOT REALITY as created by God.

As the late great philosopher George Carlin noted, "We are just surface fleas."

I also believe that every so often, "when we get too big for our britches," that God hits the re-set button. The poem, OZYMANDIAS, offers an interesting perspective on that.

 

President Obama, The Master Of Political Stagecraft, Rejects The Four Options Presented By His "War Council." Maybe He Has Analysis Paralysis...Or He Wants The 5th. Option.

Dear Pals,

On October 29, 2009, I (The Stupid Schmoo in the Midwest) asked a question in the Blog Headline below:

Mr. Have-It-Both-Ways, The Great Vacillator, The Dithering Equivocator Or The Prudent, Thoughtful Deliberate Genius: Who Is President Barack Obama?

Then, on October 30, 2009, I laid out in point-by-point clarity what I thought President Obama would do about Afghanistan.

Please revisit that earlier blog in the Archives for context.

____________________________________

For our inspiring new President, it must be nice to be the smartest guy in the room, the country and the world.

Is there a Nobel Prize for leaving our troops swinging in the wind?

Generals McChrystal and Petreus asked for the 40,000 troops in AUGUST!

Now it seems President Obama has to dart off to Asia for his next big photo-Op...and to have a private tete-a-tete side meeting with the President of Indonesia - perhaps to fondly reminisce about his boyhood days when he was attending a Mulsim school there.

Go to this story at the Chicago Sun Times...where he slips up and talks about his "Muslim faith."

www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/1150540,CST-NWS-faith08.article

I don't make this stuff up.

Now, to announce his decision to delay deciding on the troop request by his top field commander and General Petreus on Veteran's Day is either A) the worst timing in the world by a PR-challeged President, B) a completely ironic coincidence C) a message to the U.S. Military about his true care and concern for them.

The next liberal loon who says one word to me about President Bush going to Crawford, Texas on vacation during wartime is, as we used to say down on South Spring Avenue..."cruisin' for a bruisin'.

Isn't it funny how the President is in such a hurry to seize the Healthcare sector of the U.S. Economy - and how quickly he could decide to support the 1997-page $1.2 Trillion dollar HR bill that NO ONE HAD READ before it passed, but he can't seem to make a decision about his own hand-picked General's troop requests after 8-major meetings and exhaustive analysis.

He rejected all 4-options put before him by his own hand-picked civilian advisors and top U.S. military professionals. Do you think they didn't do a thorough job?

I wonder what Generals Eisenhower, McArthur, Bradley and Patton would say to President Obama if they were sitting in the room with the "War Council.'

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic, a Mob of One

PS: When you check the blog of October 30, 2009, you'll see my prediction on how this will play out. I should have titled it The 5th Option.

If I'm wrong, I'll eat a pressed-pork McRib from an "unclean swine."

Why Is Life So Weird? Or Is It Just Me? Pass The Chartreuse And Let The "Truth Serum" Flow!

Dear Pals,

First of all, Happy 234th. Anniversary to the U.S.M.C.!

Semper Fi!

____________________________

Does the world today seem completely upside down and/or off track to you?

Or is it just me? Maybe I'm just out of sync with the new reality. 

It seems like everyday I'm astounded by some new development in this "Giddy-up-Whoa!" world.

It's like the lyrics from the old songs, "First you say you do and then you don't. Then you say you will and then you won't," or "You say TOMato and I say toMAHto...let's call the whole thing off."

Am I the weird one?

Or, the wired one?

Could my life be just one big cosmic typo?

Did I step unawares through a time portal into a bizarre parallel universe?

Maybe World War Z isn't a novel after all.

Maybe Max Brooks is really onto something in his Oral History Of The Zombie War. 

Or, maybe it's just an odd feeling that Lady Sychronicity has pulled me down a bewildering rabbit hole and I've tumbled out into a Brave New American World where up is down, in is out and the inmates really are running the asylum.

Before I join the "American Boat People" who are rowing to Cuba for safety and escape from the walking dead...please feel free to weigh in on this topic.

Birk, Commonsensetarian and Citizen of the Republic and a Mob of One

PS:  I think I hear the "High Lonesome" of the Wasatch calling me.

I'm beginning to understand the attraction of silence and solitude and why the Mountain Men of yore preferred the clean crisp air of the high Sierras to the confusing and confused company of citified men and women in flatland society.

As much as I love the romantic notion of following James Taylor's suggestion to "Slap leather and head for the line of trees," I'm not the Marlboro Man and I'd probably be The Big Birk on the McGrizzley menu by dark.

So is there another option to enduring the Le Monde Circque de Jour?

Hmmm...maybe I'll shave my head and join the Carthusian Monks near Grenoble and devote my remaining days to making Chartreuse and sampling it. Even I can gather and distill mountain herbs!

Chartreuse is truly something very special...especially the green variety. With a glass or two, I could take a mind-freeing trip to the outer fringes of the galaxy without ever leaving my cell in the monastery.

After all, if you're not free in your mind...where indeed are you free?

Now there's a question worth pondering.