Dear Pals,
Funny things happen when you eat a speecy-spicy hot coppa and pepperoni pizza. It can give you weird dreams, like this one...
WB: Hello Osama...I'm glad this wasn't another collect call, what's up?
OBL: I read your stupid blog the other day and it really ticked me off. How dare you suggest that I strap explosives to my "orbs of manhood" and blow myself up!
WB: Too yellow?
OBL: No! You insulting Infidel pig!
WB: Okay..so, what's your excuse...too busy being "The Bad Shepherd?"
OBL: I am the inspiring visionary leader...the inspiring visionary leader leads...the followers must follow.
WB: And the followers are the young men and women who follow your inspiring vision and blow themselves up...so, you don't have to?
OBL: You insult me white Christian pig-boy! This is holy jihad.
WB: Why don't you "lead" by example instead of hiding out in a cave?
Why not blow yourself up? Do it live on Prime Time Al Jazzera during sweeps week...that would make quite a statement. I'm sure it would get a lot of hits on You-Tube too!
That would set an inspiring and visionary example for jihadists from Falls Church to Denmark.
OBL: Don't insult me you McRib eating Christian Infidel dog.
WB: Look Osama, Saladin The Great personally took on the Crusaders, the great Mahdi had the guts to personally take on General Gordon at Khartoum.
Even the Prophet Mohammed personally led his followers into battle on many occasions. He was no coward, his heroic exploits in battle are well-chronicled.
So how come YOU, oh great fearless jihadist leader...how come you're hiding out in a cave like a sniveling yellow dog?
OBL: You are a swine, Infidel insulter and Jew-lover.
WB: Is my logical question confusing you?
Just tell me in plain words why you are sending so many young men and women to almost certain death while you hide out safe and sound in a cave with your little Egyptian Doctor stooge and a your bodyguards?
OBL: Silence!!! Insulting Infidel dog!
WB: Are you scared?
OBL: I fear nothing!
WB: Okay, I double dog dare you to strap some explosives to your balls and try to blow up some Infidels.
OBL: Miserable son of pigs. You insult me.
WB: Look Osama, you are already an insult to the intelligence of the world.
If you have a "hair on your ass" just show your followers what a big brave man you really are.
Blow yourself up in holy jihad!
You know there are 72 virgins waiting for you! Maybe 272 because you are such an important Jihadist leader.
Or, are you just another puffed up lying Muslim nutball windbag, who gets other people to blow themselves up while you suck on a hashish hookah and fantasize about the centerfold in Playgoat.
OBL: Insufferable Jew-loving-Christian-Swine-Infidel unbeliever American bastard!
Ring...ring...ring...
WB: Hold on willya Osama? (CLICK)
Hello, yeah...yeah...okay...sure, I'll ask him.
(CLICK) Yo Osama...have you checked your mailbox today???
OBL: How dare you put me on hold you insufferable pig-dog...
WB: Osama...calm down...can you look in your cave's mailbox and tell me what you got?
OBL: You must think I'm stupid...
WB: No, I don't think you're stupid...I just think you're afraid to do it.
OBL: I fear nothing...I'm opening the cave mailbox now!
What's this? It's not my Publisher's Clearinghouse winning sweepstakes letter is it?
WB: Nope, it's engraved invitation...
Osama: To a party?? Let me read it...(rips open envelope)
Dear Mr. bin Laden, the pleasure of your company is requested
at our 2010 Muslim Jihadist Leadership Convention and Blowout.
Join all your Jihadist followers at Tora Bora for this gala reunion.
Come One! Come All! Bring The Whole International Jihadist Cabal!
Free Beverages! Free Goat Roast! Free Dates! Free Camels!
Meet special guest of dishonor, Major Nidal Hasan
and Recently Released Gitmo Detainees.
Festivites begin at 19:30 Hours January 25, 2010
Enjoying eternity commences at 19:31:01 Hours January 25, 2010
RSVP Strategic Air Command, USAF
OBL: Wow it sounds like fun!
I'm all over it!
Who's going to bring sheep dip?
WB: Look Osama, if you and your Muslim jihadist Pals are all so eager to be in Islamic Paradise...this is the Express Lane!
I hope you and all your little jihadist Pals can make it.
You could be there frolicking with those virgins in the wink and the blink of an eye...no muss, no fuss...no gus!
Don't worry about a thing...just get the whole jihadist gang together and show up back at Tora Bora.
OBL: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm...sheep dip...me like sheep dip!
WB: SAC will use The Easy Button to deliver the goods and transport you all to Paradise faster than Elmer Fudd can say, "Umar Farouk Abdulmuttabalab-alabab-singed-dong."
It's a win win for everybody.
OBL: I wonder if I should wear a
nice wispy floral chintz or something in
figure flattering gold lamme?
WB: Both sound fine..either way, you'll be dressed to kill.