The other day I sent my Birk "We Deserve A Dividend" Plan to 100 people that were selected at random from my address book. I wanted to see how these well-educated and arguably smart folks would react to my tongue-in-cheek proposal with its admittedly goofy math. I omitted just three little zeros (000) to come up with my Prof. Irwin Corey-esque economic recovery plan.
The results were quite surprising. Only 2 people - Rick Steinberg and Derrick Philips -instantly checked the math and let me know that my "calculations" were off by a factor of 000. Other people responded with high praise for such a "creative solution" and suggested that I should run for office or even be President. (Yike!)
One chap who initially offered high praise for my plan, when sent to my blog, was offended by "my hoax" and told me that I was a euphemism for an "anal aperture" - I've been called lots worse and actually considered that characterization as a major upgrade. A nice lady in Texas wrote me and told me that my brilliant treatise was posted on Sean Hannity's website. Another man wrote and asked me for permission to publish it on a blog to which he contributes.
Whenever anyone responded, I sent them to the Birk Blog where I had posted my "Zillions, Trillions Billions, Millions...what's a few zeros among friends?" piece. That article quickly pointed out that few people - including really smart folks - actually do the math.
This may come as a shocking admission - but I'm guilty of such behavior too. In this age of instant communication in a highly-charged emotional environment like the current fiscal crisis, I believe that we are all victims of The Seinfeld Phenomenon.
I love the Seinfeld show because it is all about the often hidden interconnectedness of human beings and the fallout of unintended consequences from seemingly small and insignicant individual actions. It's a show "about nothing" - just like three little zeros that are actually 3-times nothing.
George, Elaine, Kramer, Newman and Jerry created and all participated in some amazing situations often ending in outcomes that reminded me of Willam Bendix's famous end line from 1950's comedy, The Life Of Riley, "What a revoltin' development this turned out to be."
There is a universal law of Cause and Effect that underpins every human action. We can't always see the effects of our actions but they are there nontheless. We're all a bit like photons in the quantum soup - zooming around, bouncing off each other in a seemingly random pattern - yet, these unseen quantum events produce larger outcomes in the Newtonian macro world.
I think that's what happened in the financial markets. The unintended consequences of "Helping millions of people realize The American Dream of home ownership" actually created The American Nightmare with millions of home foreclosures that brought the economy to the edge of financial collapse.
Good intentions + greed + easy credit + irrational exhuberance + politicians who need votes = a revoltin' development. It's not too surprising that folks initially liked my spoof plan (others more unkindly chacterized it as a hoax). I won't quibble about the semantics with them. They can look up spoof and hoax if they need clarity.
Here are my conclusions from the Birk Plan experiment.
1. A money scheme that promises to benefit an individual will excite that person.
2. The bigger the perceived financial benefit, the higher the level of excitement.
3. The higher the level of excitement about personal monetary gain, the easier it is to suspend critical thinking and walk right past the missing zeros...and ethics...and moral principles.
4. Emotions will trump Intellect, especially when getting money or having it taken away is involved
5. Revoltin' developments can result from the unintended consequences of any action, no matter how well-intentioned the action may be.
6. And finally, I have come up with Birk's Financial Hypothesis which states:Emotionally-charged erroneous financial information that promises to benefit all taxpayers travels around the Internet faster than a politician can say, "Vote for me!"
Want a tax cut? Vote for me!
Want a $1000.00 economic stimulus? Vote for me!
Want a home with no money down? Vote for me!
It's almost too easy for them to get us to not do the math.
So what's it all mean?
As Mark Twain so wryly observed, "Trust everybody, but cut the cards."
If my little experiment caused some people to stop and think, to pause and reflect, to question assertions, to carefully examine promises, to read the fine print, to do the math, to consider the unintended consequences of any actions...then I think Seinfeld might smile.
